Transforme Blog Has Moved!

I’ve moved my blog onto a new site.

Please come over and take a look at the new blog – www.thekickstartbiz.com or you can visit my website and read the blog there at Transforme.

I appreciate your subscription, comments and views and do hope that you’ll join me on the new and improved Blog.

Here’s an excerpt from my latest post.

Life Is Short.

Today’s post is a difficult one for me to write and I’ve put off writing it for a few weeks because I wasn’t sure that I could or should write it.

I’ve decided to go ahead and write it because:

1. I write about Business, Career and Lifestyle and this post touches on all three in a very personal way
2. I want to honour the life of a person who has touched my own life
3. I want you, my readers, to think about what’s important to you in life.

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Are You Up To The Challenge?

This week I launched a 4 Week Kick Start (4WKS) Challenge as part of a weekly radio segment I do with Niki Springett on Northside Broadcasting 99.3FM.

The idea of the challenge is to inspire the listeners of the show to stop wishing, thinking, planning, resolving and to start taking action to make change happen. If you’re sick of breaking commitments to yourself (and others around you) then you might like to join the challenge too.

Each week, for 4 weeks, I’ll share an activity that you can do to kick start change. This will require you to do some thinking and if you’re keen, spend some time each week completing a task.

Each task is designed to move you toward a better life by giving you self-insight and personal growth in areas that are currently holding you back. The activities are practical and not all “woo woo, fluffy, daily affirmation” things (not that there’s anything wrong with that, it’s just not my style).

The topic for Week 1 is “Stop Putting Up With and Start Getting What You Want”.

The reason for starting with this topic is because all of us put up with stuff. It’s usually a combination of small stuff and big stuff. Here’s some examples directly from my clients:

• Putting myself last
• Not having faith in myself
• Not finishing things due to fear of failure
• Putting off paying the credit card to enjoy life now
• Not keeping up with emails
• An untidy house
• A broken photocopier

The thing is, over time these items build up and bring us down and we either explode about something apparently trivial or we end up feeling frustrated, angry or disappointed with ourselves and others.

So, the first activity in the Challenge is to make a list of all of the things you are putting up with. These are called Tolerations.

Part 1 – Make a List

Take a piece of paper and just start making a list all of the things that you are putting up with. Start writing things down – no matter how trivial they seem. Add to your list as more things come up for you. Keep your worksheet close by your bedside as you try to fall asleep at night because that’s often when we stew about the things that are annoying us.

Part 2 – Take Action

Decide which items on your list you will no longer tolerate. For each one think about the changes you will make. That might include asking others to do things for you, letting go of duties or responsibilities, getting qualified or skilled or just deciding to do something that you want to do with no regard for what others may think.

A True Story

What I want to share with you in this post is a true story of how putting up with things stops us from getting what we want.

A client, I’ll call her Jenny, came to me for coaching because she was very unhappy in her job. She was in a senior role in a large organisation and had a very successful career. She earned very good money. Her husband also had a senior role and they worked long hours but managed to build in time for each other and their two school-aged children. They went on good holidays together, had a lovely house in an exclusive suburb and a good social network. All sounds pretty good right? Wrong.

As I coached Jenny over a few sessions, she told me that she’d never really loved her job but was a high-achiever who applied herself and didn’t like to fail. As a result, she’d been promoted and head-hunted to bigger and better roles. It all kind of happened around her and she went with it. Her problem was that she was now dependent on the money to fund her lifestyle, defined herself by her career, felt that her husband liked that she had such a good job and she felt trapped.

No one knew that Jenny felt this way because she kept it all to herself and kept up the facade of a being a successful career woman, wife and mother. As she spoke to me about how she was feeling, she was very emotional. She had been putting up with doing a job she just didn’t like, the expectations of others, her own needs and desires going unmet and inside and was feeling desperately unhappy. When I asked her why she put up with feeling this way and not doing something about it, she said she didn’t want to disappoint anyone. She also felt that she would be a failure if she admitted to feeling like this.

Jenny had made the decision to tolerate being unhappy to apparently please other people and to feed her own self-perception.

Jenny eventually spoke to her husband about how she was feeling, worked out what she wanted to do and a plan for making that happen in a way that she was comfortable with and that didn’t destroy all of the good things she had going. She is still a successful career woman, wife and mother but now she’s also happy.

The reason I wanted to share a real experience is to show you how much and for how long we put up with things and what an impact it has on us.

By taking stock of the things we are tolerating and then taking action to put changes in place to eliminate or reduce these tolerations, we can start to live a better life.

So, if Jenny’s story resonated with you or got you thinking about the things you’re putting up with, then why not join the 4 Week Kick Start Challenge? More details are available on my website.

If you enjoyed this post and think others would benefit from reading it, please use the buttons below to share it.

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Have you stopped putting up with something that you weren’t happy about?
Do you have a story to share about tolerations?
Are you up for the 4 Week Challenge?

Lies, Lies and Santa Claus

My 6.5 year old came home from school yesterday and told me that he had something important to tell me. He was very upset, crying and obviously something was worrying him. He told me that he’d been deceitful (his word, not mine!) and needed to tell the truth.

Now, as a mother, at this point a few things were going through my mind. First, I didn’t like seeing him upset and wanted to reassure him that he could talk to me about whatever it was and that we’d sort it out. Second, I was concerned about what it was he’d done that had him so worried. I know, he’s only 6.5yrs old so it couldn’t be anything too bad right? Still, my mind was racing.

After I gave him a cuddle and sat him on my lap, something he won’t do that much longer 😦 he told me what was bothering him.

A Child’s Secret

Back in Term 1, I received a call from the school saying that my little boy was up in the office following a fall. Any of you who are parents will know, that when that call comes from the school, your heart races. They assured me he was fine but upset and had a cut on his chin and wanted me to see it so I could decide whether I wanted him to see a doctor. Apart from a bit of blood, lots of tears and ruined school shirt, he was fine.

At the time of the injury, he told his teacher and us, that he’d tripped and fallen on that spongy covering they often use around play equipment. When he first did it, he didn’t tell the teacher on playground duty nor his own teacher. He went with a friend to the bathrooms and tried to clean it up himself. It was only when he saw all the blood that he freaked out and told the teacher.

So, what’s that got to do with the current upset?

Well, it turns out that he didn’t trip and fall but had injured his chin while messing around on climbing equipment that he wasn’t supposed to be on at the time. No big deal right? Wrong. With Christmas so close and all the talk of Santa’s naughty and nice lists, this small lie has played on his mind. He had carried this lie around for the whole year and was sure that Santa knew it and had put him on the naughty list and he would not be getting any presents. A big motivation for telling the truth it turns out! He decided he needed to tell the truth not only to us but also to his teacher. Bless him.

A Man’s Pretense

In a related tale, which also crossed my path yesterday, another mother had herself just been through a bit of an ordeal. Her husband is a successful Chief Financial Officer (CFO) and had recently been offered a new job which required him and his family to relocate. They had rented out their family home, found a new place to live, enrolled children in the new school for 2011 and were in the final stages of moving; when….her husband told her he hated being a CFO and didn’t want to take the job because he couldn’t face uprooting his wife and children and moving for a job he didn’t really want!

Luckily, they were able to reverse all the plans without too much upset and are now staying put. The husband is at a crossroads and wants to look at his career options so that he can stop the pretense and start living a life he enjoys.

Lessons For Us

My reason for blogging about these stories, is to share the lessons they offer for us.

1. Lying Catches Up With You. We all lie. I read a blog post yesterday that proclaimed that “the average person lies three times in a typical ten-minute conversation”. We don’t like to admit it but we do. Some more than others. The point is, lying catches up with us eventually. My mother always used to tell me “you need to have a good memory to be a liar.” She was right.
2. Living Under False Pretenses Makes You Miserable. Sure, we can pretend for a long time. We can even pretend to ourselves. But why bother? We are in control of our own destiny so why waste our life pretending we’re enjoying doing something we loathe. Stop the pretense and start living the truth.
3. It Takes Courage to Confess. Sometimes we live with a lie or under false pretense for a long time and suffer a lot of inner anguish before finally taking the brave step of telling the truth. It takes a lot of courage to tell the truth, particularly when our lies and pretenses impact others you care about.
4. Fessing Up is Rarely as Bad as You Imagine. On the whole, probably because we all lie, we are generally forgiving of others’ lies. How we imagine others will react and the potential consequences for our actions are often a lot worse than the reality. We are often tougher on ourselves than others are on us.
5. It Will Be A Weight Off Your Shoulders. Even if those are small 6.5yr old shoulders. Carrying a lie or living under false pretense is a heavy burden to bear. Telling the truth, although difficult will be worth it. You will feel a lot better about yourself.

   As the year comes to a close, it’s often a time of reflection. Perhaps this year, you might want to reflect on the lies and pretenses that are bearing down on you. As you read this blog, did you feel uncomfortable? If so, are you ready to face up to it so that you can start 2011 with a clear conscience? If a 6.5yr old can do it, I’m sure you can too 🙂

   Wishing you all the gift of inner peace.

   As always, I’d love to hear your views, particularly about:

   When it is OK to lie? E.g. Lying about Santa!
   Under what circumstances it might be better to live with a lie than tell the truth? E.g. Hurting someone else to make yourself feel better?

   If you’re too busy to comment, please Tweet, Like or Share – thank you 😀

‘Tis the Season to be Jolly…So What’s With The Sad Face?

‘Tis the season to be jolly tra la la la la la la la la…

…Unless, you’ve got a bad case of the Ebenezer Scrooges.

Not feeling much like singing along to joyful carols and playing happy families? Does the mere thought of gift shopping make you run for the bed covers? Then the lessons we learned from Scrooge might help you feel happier this festive season.

Lesson 1 – People need to feel connected

Ebenezer Scrooge was an angry, lonely old man who rejected connection with others.

Feeling isolated and alone makes you feel angry and can make it hard to care about others. Christmas is a lonely time for some people. Finding ways to connect and feel part of a community is important to our happiness. Iggy Pintado, author Connection Generation, shared some interesting facts about Social Media on the Grassroots Websites Rock Festival

• 70% of Australians visited a social network in the last month
• Over 200 million people worldwide (9.2 million Australians) are on Facebook
• Over 65 million people (1.5 million Australians) are on LinkedIn
• Over 30 million people (1.5 million Australians) are on Twitter
• Over half of these people are aged over 35

Now, not all of these millions of people are on these social platforms just for connection but I’d guess that a fair share of them feel part of a wider community.

Maybe social media is not for you, but finding ways to connect and feel part of a community will make you feel happier.

For Ebenezer, spending Christmas Day with his nephew’s family, helped him feel connected and loved.

Lesson 2 – Helping other people makes us feel better

Ebenezer was a greedy, stingy businessman who refused to donate to charity and who overworked and underpaid his staff.

Not only does helping people make us feel better, even watching others helping people makes us feel better. The recent TV show on ABC1 “Making Australia Happy” demonstrated this when the study participants volunteered in a “soup kitchen”. After volunteering, saliva was taken and tested for antibodies that boost immunity. There was a 36% increase in the participant’s Immunoglobulin A levels. So not only does helping others make us feel better, it actually makes us healthier!

When I lived in London, the best Christmas I had was the year we plated up our leftovers and took them out to give to the homeless people sheltering from the freezing cold. It definitely made me feel happy and it made them feel happier too. 😀

When Ebenezer awoke after seeing his bleak future and anonymously sent a large turkey to his clerk’s family, I bet his anitobdies were right up there, as well as his feelings of happiness!

Lesson 3 – Gratitude is good

Ebenezer refuses to accept an invitation from his nephew to join him and his family for Christmas Dinner yet the nephew still raises a toast of gratitude to Ebenezer and refuses to allow him to spoil his day.

When we’re feeling unhappy, it can be very difficult to find things that we are grateful for. As I’m writing this post today, it is raining and miserable outside, yet @DivineMissWhite who I follow on Twitter just tweeted: “I love, love, LOVE wearing fire engine red on wet grey days like today. I’m so #grateful for my life. Kisses to my Creator XXX”

A long-term scientific study is being carried out by the University of California Davis into the nature or gratitude and the potential consequences for human health and well-being. A simple thing like a letter of gratitude has been found to increase happiness and decrease symptoms of depression.

When Ebenezer visits his past and remembers his old boss throwing a party and inviting Ebenezer to join in, he feels gratitude toward him and shame on himself for not treating his own employees better.

In case you’ve never seen Charles Dickens classic “A Christmas Carol” or one of the many remakes, here’s a link to the Richard Williams 1971 animation (25 mins).

Now it’s your turn:

• Do you feel connected to a community? Does Social Media give you a sense of connectedness?
• Do you do volunteer work? Does volunteering make you feel happy?
• Have you ever written a gratitude letter or something similar? What are you grateful for?

How to bounce back from a setback

“I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I’ve bought a big bat. I’m all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!” Dr. Seuss

I love this quote from the wonderful Dr. Seuss and it has inspired this week’s post all about resilience, or how to bounce back from a setback.

Resilience, sometimes called emotional resilience, is a subject that has kept psychologists busy for years so in this post, my aim is simply to kick start your thinking and offer some practical tips for building resilience.

So what is resilience? As always, I turn to the oracle – Wikipedia – for the answer “Resilience in psychology is the positive capacity of people to cope with stress and adversity.”

I think of it as how you bounce back when things go wrong or how well you handle the difficult times. In the article “How Resilience Works.” Diane L. Coutu. Harvard Business Review, May, 2002, the author states “A person’s resilience determines who succeeds and who fails.”

How resilient are you? Are you going to succeed or fail? Here’s a few questions to get you thinking.

1. How well do you handle rejection?
2. How well do you cope with unexpected change?
3. How good are you at solving the problems life throws at you?
4. How do you react when something goes wrong?
5. Do you have a strong support network?
6. What do you do when faced with a major challenge?
7. Do you believe in yourself?

People with low resilience tend to be easily put off, they are often stressed, they give up on goals or when things get tough and they put up with things rather than standing up for themselves. In the extreme, they end up depressed and feeling powerless. They lose their bounce.

The good news is, resilience can be developed. Ideally, this should start in childhood. There is a lot of great information on the happychild website about this. In one of the articles I read there it quotes Andrew Fuller, psychologist and author of Tricky Kids (Finch Publishing), as defining resilience as “the happy knack of being able to bungee jump through the pitfalls of life.” Wouldn’t it be great to teach your children those skills! I also found an online development game for building resilience in children and young people. It’s called The Resilience Doughnut game.

Even if you’ve reached a ripe old age, you can still learn to be more resilient. Here’s a few ideas:

1. Remind yourself of your strengths

Often when things aren’t going well, we focus on the negatives and get a bit down on ourselves. That nagging negative little voice kicks in and starts to say things like “I’m so useless, Why can’t I do anything right? Nothing ever works out for me.” These thoughts are not useful so you need to stop them in their tracks. Tell the voice to shut up. Instead, reflect on your strengths, achievements and all of the things you have done well. Think about the skills you have and how you used these skills to make it through other tough times. Be positive.

2. Set yourself some goals

Goals are not just for the good times. When we’re faced with a challenge, setting short term goals can help move things along. The goal doesn’t have to be a Jim Collins BHAG (Big.Hairy.Audacious.Goal) just a small, attainable goal. For example, if you are completely overwhelmed with everything you need to get done, set yourself the goal to get the most important thing done. When that’s done, move onto the next.

3. Get organised and take action

If you think about how emergency teams work in a crisis situation, they are very organised. Everything is in it’s place so that when needed, it can be found. Everyone knows what’s expected of them and they get on with their job. Emergency workers don’t sit around thinking about how to deal with the crisis, they get on and deal with it. They take action, fast. Just taking action puts you back in control and keeps you moving forward. It also helps when you’re lacking motivation. Taking action can be motivating.

4. Rely on your family

Regardless of how strained relationships may be with your family, a crisis often draws people back together. Don’t hold grudges and try to manage through by yourself. Call on family for support and help. It’s better to swallow your pride and concede the argument than to allow stubbornness to stop you getting the support you need. Many people are pleasantly surprised by how their families rally together to help them out during tough times. Be humble and ask for help. Family connectedness is important.

5. Be open to new ideas and possibilities

It can be hard to see the positives and the possible solutions to problems when we are in the middle of a challenging situation. We can see all the reasons something won’t work but we need to be open to new ideas. Don’t knock down others’ suggestions, instead try to find ways to make them work. Look for opportunities in situations. Be resourceful.

6. Do some exercise

Now this one can be difficult, especially when you feel overwrought, overcommitted, stressed or depressed. Yet, every study I’ve ever seen espouses the benefit of exercise to help overcome these feelings. It’s not just about taking time out to clear the head, the endorphins produced actually give you a feeling of well-being – endogenous morphine = endorphin = the natural drug. Also, I read somewhere, but can’t remember where, that people who regularly exercise and push themselves physically, tend to have a higher survival rate in major catastrophes. It makes sense to me – if you’re fit, healthy and used to pushing yourself through physical pain, then these strengths will all kick in when you need them most. Of course, if you can’t face exercise, then sex might be the answer as it also produces the release of endorphins. 😉 Ever wondered why those stressed out celebrities are having so much sex?

7. Let go and move on

Stewing over problems doesn’t make them any better. Worrying about mistakes, wishing things could be different, cursing yourself for missing something – all that just does your head in. Instead, think about what you learned and what you’ll do differently next time but then it’s best just to let go and move on.

There you have it. My practical tips to get you bouncing like Tigger (if you don’t know how Tigger bounces, then watch the video!)

And in the words of those One Hit Wonders the Chumbwamba’s Tubthumping Song

Until next week, keep bouncing back up 🙂
________________________________

How can you tell if someone is resilient?
Do you agree that a person’s resilience determines who succeeds and who fails?
How do you bounce back from a setback?
Do you have an inspiring story about resilience to share?

Mad Men vs. Mod Men – Lessons from a different era

Mad Men or Mod Men

For the past few weeks, I’ve been watching the award winning TV series Mad Men. I’d heard people rave about the show so decided to find out for myself what the hype was all about. I have to say, I’m loving it so far. I’m only up to Season 2 and Season 4 is currently airing, so there won’t be any major spoilers here to worry about.

As I was watching last night, I commented on how things have changed, in the workplace and in society, from the sixties, when the show is set. For those of you who haven’t seen the show, here’s a Wiki link to a quick synopsis. (WARNING: This synopsis does include some spoilers as it is up to date)

Some things are very different

There are some blindingly obvious, major differences like:

• Everyone smokes, everywhere
• Drinking and drink driving is the norm
• Overt discrimination and sexual harrassment is standard behaviour
• No computers, mobiles or i-anythings

Some things maybe not so

The more interesting point for discussion is where things may not have changed all that much, other than superficially or for political correctness. So here’s a few to kick things off:

• men are the main / only breadwinners and women are highly dependent on them
• relaxing with a drink or two to take the edge off, every day, starting about 4pm, or earlier
• women (and men) staying in unhealthy relationships because they can’t see a way out
• discrimination and harrassment, although probably less overt

Mad Men Character Lessons

In Mad Men, the sixties and today, some people are able to push through the adversity and the absurdity of these situations, yet others are not. What lessons can we learn from the Mad Men characters?

1. Peggy
   

   Peggy

   Her story: Peggy breaks into the male domain (with support from her boss Don) and progresses from secretary to copywriter with her own office (albeit shared with the new photocopier).

   What we learn from her: Self confidence, it’s OK to be different, importance of a sponsor / mentor (Don)

2. Don
   

   Don Draper

   His story: Successful, handsome, married, womaniser. Don takes on an assumed identity in an attempt to escape his unhappy past

   What we learn from him: There’s a high price to be paid for trying to pretend we’re someone we’re not. Be yourself.

3. Joan
   

   Joan Holloway

   Her story: Joan is head of the secretarial staff, a “real woman with curves” who plays by the rules.

   What we learn from her: We limit our on growth & fulfillment if we always do what’s expected of us, instead of doing what we really want.

4. Betty
   

   Betty Draper

   Her story: Betty, Bryn Mawr College graduate, ex-model, Don’s stay-at-home Stepford wife and mother to his children. Unhappy with her life and relationship. Often seen having a glass of red wine quite early in the day.

   What we learn from her: Betty seeks help, shows us self-respect is important and we don’t have to “put up” with unhealthy relationships.

5. Pete
   

   Pete Campbell

   His story: Pete is young, ambitious and failing to live up to the unrealistic expectations of his father and then father-in-law.

   What we learn from him: We can twist ourselves in knots trying to please some people and never succeed. Better to live to our own values and standards.

   Why do some people succeed at making change and others don’t?
   Which character traits, if any, are key to happiness?
   Why do some people put up with a job they dislike, a bad relationship, being overweight etc instead of doing something about it?

Why do you tolerate that?

As you read this blog, I’d like you to think back over just the last day or last few hours and ask yourself, what have I been tolerating? What have I been putting up with that is really starting to annoy me? As humans, we tolerate a lot. We put up with others negativity, bad behaviour, rudeness, lying, cheating. We accept our own needs going unmet. We stay in unhappy relationships and jobs that sap our energy. We tolerate being overweight, unfit, even unwell.

The question is why do we tolerate these things that drag us down, that stop us living a fulfilling life, that stop us achieving our goals and being happy?

Well, there are some good reasons for tolerating things:

• to avoid having to deal with something unpleasant
• to avoid having to take any action – e.g. exercising
• there is some payoff for the toleration – e.g. getting sympathy from others
• it’s just too hard / expensive to change

So you might not be ready or able to do anything about your tolerations it right now but the problem with tolerations is that they build up and drag us down over time. They sap us of energy and can overwhelm us if we’re not careful.

There are some big benefits to eliminating tolerations from you life:

• you’ll instantly feel better because we often don’t notice the impact of the toleration until it stops
• you’ll feel empowered
• others will respect you for taking a stand
• you may build better relationships because you are no longer resentful
• you will feel proud of yourself and have a sense of self-respect
• you might achieve more or reach your goals
• you will be happier

But beware, there may also be some negative consequences:

• you may lose some friends because they don’t like to be challenged
• you may need to change your own behaviours
• some people might rebel and even get quite nasty with you
• it may cost you some money

To discover what you are tolerating, download this Tolerations Checklist

Just being clear about what you are tolerating will help you decide what you can put up with and which things you need to start to work on.

A final word…eliminating tolerations from your life doesn’t give you permission to be a jerk! You should deal with the tolerations sensitively and calmly – you don’t need to rant and rave.

And remember…Small ills are the fountains of most of our groans. Men trip not on mountains, they stumble on stones. – Chinese Proverb

All I Want for Christmas is….

‘Tis the season…..almost.

If you’re looking for inspiration for a gift for someone special in your life, this short clip will give you some ideas. If you want the usual run of the mill gifts, then don’t bother watching. These gifts are exclusive and only discerning buyers will be interested.

For more great gifts, please visit the website at www.transforme.com.au

Tops tips for yummy mummy’s

Before children many of us spent significant time (and money) on our style and image. We had our hair done every six weeks, we made regular visits to the cosmetics department to purchase the latest colour lipstick or latest shade of blush, we had the perfect shoes and bag to match the “power suit”, we had time to touch up our makeup during the day and keep the dreaded shine at bay and we even had time to read glossy magazines!

For many mums, once the children come along it’s easy to let style and image slip by as we busy ourselves taking care of our precious darlings. Perhaps our bodies aren’t quite what they used to be. We can’t find the time to get our hair trimmed, let alone coloured. Dragging the children to the shops just to browse at the latest fashions is inconceivable.

Rather than fragmented, ineffective attempts at making a difference to your image, you need to condense time and focus effort to maximise results. Our “Top 10 Image Transformation Tips” will help you create an image and style that you are proud of and that will really be noticed.

1. Do a stock take of your wardbrobe. Are your clothes older than your children? Do you wear the same three or four things over and over yet your wardrobe is bursting at the seams (pun intended) with clothes that you haven’t worn, nor are likely to wear in the foreseeable future? Why not spend an afternoon with a close, honest friend or better still engage the services of an image consultant for a thorough wardrobe analysis. Throw out things that don’t fit or don’t suit. Make a few dollars selling your unwanted items on ebay or give you old clothes to a charity for someone who will actually wear them.

2. Shop with purpose. Maximise precious shopping time – focus on what you really need not just that the latest fashion. Make a list of essential items you need to complete your wardrobe – accessories to freshen up an outfit, a top to go with your favourite trousers, a bra that fits and supports. This way, you might actually buy something for yourself rather than just buying more for the kids. If you really want to maximise your precious shopping time, why not think about making an appointment with a personal shopper – who can scout around ahead of time and present you with the best options.

3. Update your style. Has your style changed with your lifestyle and body changes? Put together outfit combinations with the pieces, cuts and accessories that best suit your body shape. If you have 2 minutes to get yourself and the children out the door, and you finish up with a little hand-print of Vegemite on your skirt – you can make a fast change.

4. Tame that mane. If the only thing you do with your hair these days is throw it up in an elastic, then maybe it’s time to book an appointment with a good hairdresser. Ask your hairdresser to recommend a style that is easy to manage for your specific hair colour and texture. Remember, the closer you keep to your natural colour the easier it will be to maintain and probably the better it will look. Versatile styles are great for busy mums so that you can look sexy and sassy when you like but practical and easy when you’re in a hurry. Book your next appointment while you are at the hairdresser – you can always, change it but at least it’s a marker in the diary. If you just don’t have 2-3 hours of time without the children, then book a hairdresser with a crèche or ask a friend to mind them and then return the favour.

5. Make over your makeup. Ever feel like your 4 yr old daughter could do a better job putting on your makeup? Heavy makeup can mean you are literally hiding behind a mask and make you look unapproachable. Go for the natural look everywhere but eyebrows – stray hairs can add years and also give impression of sloppiness. Clean-up and throw out old, broken makeup – update your colours not just with the latest hues but also age appropriate. Make an appointment at the cosmetics counter or book a makeup artist to visit you at home to give you your own personal makeup lesson.

6. Drop a few kilos and tone up. Tuck shop mums don’t have to have tuck shop arms. Just because you make great muffins, doesn’t mean you need to wear a muffin top. Get yourself a personal trainer to come to your home or meet you in the park. A couple of kilos can really make a difference to how you look and feel. Maxmise your daily housework – squats as you pick up toys, pelvic floor exercises while stirring sauce, use the cans (unopened!) for bicep curls.

7. Eat your way to better looks. Do you know your Vitamin alphabet? ABCDE Vitamins + water, water, water, water will do wonders for your hair, teeth, nails and skin. For complexion, strong teeth and nails and healthy gums, you need Vitamin A from fresh fruits, vegies & lean meats. Vitamin B found in eggs, meat, poultry, dairy and soy is good for managing digestion, energy, PMT, stress and anaemia. Vitamin C is not only good for keeping the kids colds away but also for collagen formation and healing scar tissue – good sources come from fresh & frozen fruit and vegies. For super shiny hair, strong teeth and nails – calcium & Vitamin D from a little sunlight. Heal wounds and bruises with Vitamin E found in spinach, broccoli, peanut butter, almonds and sunflower seeds. If you need some nutrition tuition, book a dietician!

8. Indulge with a spa treatment. If you don’t have the time or money to visit a day spa, you can pamper yourself at home. Exfoliate your hands with a mix of olive oil and sugar, put cold teabags on your eyes to reduce puffiness or blend yourself a strawberry & honey facemask – at least you’ll taste great when infant decides to chew on your cheek! A manicure and pedicure will make you look very groomed and well kept. Keep colours natural on fingernails or just even buff them. If you don’t even have time during the day for these simple treatments, slather on the night cream to keep wrinkles away – but be careful, it might keep your husband away too!

9. Develop yourself. Worrying about your children’s developmental needs but neglecting your own? Your self-image is probably not the same as it was before you were a mum. Your bodyshape might have changed, you may have had to make different career choices or you may feel like you have lost your identity. Take a look in the mirror – pull your shoulders back, lift your chin up now tell yourself out loud your 10 best attributes. Yes you will feel silly but who cares. If you need someone other than your own reflection to give you some honest feedback and help you rebuild your identity, then think about hiring a personal coach.

10. Put some icing on the image cake. All kids love icing and so will you if you just need that little extra kick. There are so many image enhancing options that can complete your transformation. White teeth can take years off your age and reduce self consciousness – ask your dentist about the range of techniques available. If you have a few more lines than you’d like why not speak to a cosmetic surgeon about wrinkle treatments, microdermabrasion, laser treatment or a non-surgical facelift? It can be your own secret indulgence.