Are you one of the 80%?

…who will fail to meet their New Year’s Resolutions?

We’re already into the 3rd week of the year! What progress have you made with your New Year’s Resolutions?

If you’re like 80% of people who make New Year’s Resolutions, chances are, you’ll have made zero progress and that’s the way it will stay for the rest of the year!

Some of the most popular New Year’s Resolutions are:

1. Lose weight
2. Pay off credit cards / debt
3. Run a marathon
4. Read more
5. Learn a language
6. Get organized
7. Quit smoking

There are also some new ones feeding in to the popular lists:

1. Spend less time on Facebook / Twitter
2. Clean out my inbox
3. Go Green
4. Find my passion/ purpose in life

We make New Year’s Resolutions with the best intentions (and sometimes a few too many glasses of New Year Cheer under our belts!) but for many of us that’s as far as we get.

So how do you become one of the 20% to succeed instead of one of the 80% who fail to change?

Here’s five practical tips:

1. Work out whether it’s worth the cost

The first thing to do is decide how much you really want it. Usually New Year’s Resolutions require you to make changes in your lifestyle, whether that’s eating less, exercising more, spending less, giving up the 2nd car etc. These changes have a downside cost attached. Spending less might mean going without that new designer handbag, exercising more might mean getting out of bed 45 minutes earlier, selling the 2nd car might mean learning how public transport works.

If you are serious about making change and achieving your goals then you need to make it a priority. That means deciding that you really want it and that you’re prepared to pay the price. The cost might be financial, time, a cost to your family. If the cost is too high then you just won’t do it. That’s ok too. Just face that fact and stop kidding yourself. As Einstein said “insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” if you want change, you need to do something different.

2. Get specific and make sure it’s achievable

The more specific your goals, the more chance you’ll have of achieving them. Instead of saying “I will lose weight”, a more specific goal would be “I will lose 1/2kg per week until I reach my goal weight of x”. To make it even more specific, focus on the areas you can control for example, “I will exercise for 45 minutes, 5 days per week, only drink alcohol on weekends and follow a healthy eating plan until I reach my goal”.

It’s also important to make sure that your goal is attainable. If you set yourself a goal that is unrealistic, then you will almost certainly fail to achieve it. In fact you’ll probably give up at the first hurdle. Using the weight loss goal, if you said “I’m going to lose 2kgs per week, then the first week you lose less than this (which for most people will be the first week!), then you’ll become disheartened.

3. Start with the end in mind

What I mean by this is, try to imagine what it will be like to achieve your resolution. How will you feel, what will be different, what might others say to you. Some people go as far as creating some kind of vision board but simply spending a few minutes thinking about why you’ve decided on your resolution and what achieving it will mean to you, can be just as powerful.

I prefer the carrot over the stick approach myself, but it can be powerful to imagine the negative consequences. How will you feel at the end of the year when nothing has changed and your resolutions have failed….

4. Get Support

You don’t need to go it alone. Enlist the help of others to keep you on track and keep you accountable. That might be a friend, family member or colleague or it might be a professional like a coach, doctor or trainer. The most successful people in the world have a support team around them so get yours in place.

A study in the UK of 2000 people by Prof. Richard Wiseman, author of 59 Seconds: Think A Little, Change A Lot, showed that people who told friends and family about their resolutions had a 34% success rate, compared to only 25% of those who kept it to themselves.

There are people who know more about it than you so why not take advantage of their knowledge. In these days of social networking, your support team doesn’t even need to be someone you meet face-to-face. Enrol in an online course, join a community, find a forum. For lots of people, even meeting a partner is done online today.

5. Stop Procrastinating!

Take action. We’re already into the 3rd week of the year so you should have made some progress already. Don’t wait until next Monday to start, get going today! If you don’t know where or how to start, ask for help. Just DO something – some progress is better than no progress.

So, don’t be an 80%er. Put these five tips in place and join the elite 20% who fulfill their New Year’s Resolutions.

Welcome (back) to Transformeblogs 2011. If you liked this post, please share it with others by clicking on one of the links below.

Did you set New Year’s Resolutions? If so, what kind of thing? If not, why not?
Have you made any progress with your Resolutions? What have you done? What’s stopping you?
What are your top tips for making sure New Year’s Resolutions are realised?

How to bounce back from a setback

“I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I’ve bought a big bat. I’m all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!” Dr. Seuss

I love this quote from the wonderful Dr. Seuss and it has inspired this week’s post all about resilience, or how to bounce back from a setback.

Resilience, sometimes called emotional resilience, is a subject that has kept psychologists busy for years so in this post, my aim is simply to kick start your thinking and offer some practical tips for building resilience.

So what is resilience? As always, I turn to the oracle – Wikipedia – for the answer “Resilience in psychology is the positive capacity of people to cope with stress and adversity.”

I think of it as how you bounce back when things go wrong or how well you handle the difficult times. In the article “How Resilience Works.” Diane L. Coutu. Harvard Business Review, May, 2002, the author states “A person’s resilience determines who succeeds and who fails.”

How resilient are you? Are you going to succeed or fail? Here’s a few questions to get you thinking.

1. How well do you handle rejection?
2. How well do you cope with unexpected change?
3. How good are you at solving the problems life throws at you?
4. How do you react when something goes wrong?
5. Do you have a strong support network?
6. What do you do when faced with a major challenge?
7. Do you believe in yourself?

People with low resilience tend to be easily put off, they are often stressed, they give up on goals or when things get tough and they put up with things rather than standing up for themselves. In the extreme, they end up depressed and feeling powerless. They lose their bounce.

The good news is, resilience can be developed. Ideally, this should start in childhood. There is a lot of great information on the happychild website about this. In one of the articles I read there it quotes Andrew Fuller, psychologist and author of Tricky Kids (Finch Publishing), as defining resilience as “the happy knack of being able to bungee jump through the pitfalls of life.” Wouldn’t it be great to teach your children those skills! I also found an online development game for building resilience in children and young people. It’s called The Resilience Doughnut game.

Even if you’ve reached a ripe old age, you can still learn to be more resilient. Here’s a few ideas:

1. Remind yourself of your strengths

Often when things aren’t going well, we focus on the negatives and get a bit down on ourselves. That nagging negative little voice kicks in and starts to say things like “I’m so useless, Why can’t I do anything right? Nothing ever works out for me.” These thoughts are not useful so you need to stop them in their tracks. Tell the voice to shut up. Instead, reflect on your strengths, achievements and all of the things you have done well. Think about the skills you have and how you used these skills to make it through other tough times. Be positive.

2. Set yourself some goals

Goals are not just for the good times. When we’re faced with a challenge, setting short term goals can help move things along. The goal doesn’t have to be a Jim Collins BHAG (Big.Hairy.Audacious.Goal) just a small, attainable goal. For example, if you are completely overwhelmed with everything you need to get done, set yourself the goal to get the most important thing done. When that’s done, move onto the next.

3. Get organised and take action

If you think about how emergency teams work in a crisis situation, they are very organised. Everything is in it’s place so that when needed, it can be found. Everyone knows what’s expected of them and they get on with their job. Emergency workers don’t sit around thinking about how to deal with the crisis, they get on and deal with it. They take action, fast. Just taking action puts you back in control and keeps you moving forward. It also helps when you’re lacking motivation. Taking action can be motivating.

4. Rely on your family

Regardless of how strained relationships may be with your family, a crisis often draws people back together. Don’t hold grudges and try to manage through by yourself. Call on family for support and help. It’s better to swallow your pride and concede the argument than to allow stubbornness to stop you getting the support you need. Many people are pleasantly surprised by how their families rally together to help them out during tough times. Be humble and ask for help. Family connectedness is important.

5. Be open to new ideas and possibilities

It can be hard to see the positives and the possible solutions to problems when we are in the middle of a challenging situation. We can see all the reasons something won’t work but we need to be open to new ideas. Don’t knock down others’ suggestions, instead try to find ways to make them work. Look for opportunities in situations. Be resourceful.

6. Do some exercise

Now this one can be difficult, especially when you feel overwrought, overcommitted, stressed or depressed. Yet, every study I’ve ever seen espouses the benefit of exercise to help overcome these feelings. It’s not just about taking time out to clear the head, the endorphins produced actually give you a feeling of well-being – endogenous morphine = endorphin = the natural drug. Also, I read somewhere, but can’t remember where, that people who regularly exercise and push themselves physically, tend to have a higher survival rate in major catastrophes. It makes sense to me – if you’re fit, healthy and used to pushing yourself through physical pain, then these strengths will all kick in when you need them most. Of course, if you can’t face exercise, then sex might be the answer as it also produces the release of endorphins. 😉 Ever wondered why those stressed out celebrities are having so much sex?

7. Let go and move on

Stewing over problems doesn’t make them any better. Worrying about mistakes, wishing things could be different, cursing yourself for missing something – all that just does your head in. Instead, think about what you learned and what you’ll do differently next time but then it’s best just to let go and move on.

There you have it. My practical tips to get you bouncing like Tigger (if you don’t know how Tigger bounces, then watch the video!)

And in the words of those One Hit Wonders the Chumbwamba’s Tubthumping Song

Until next week, keep bouncing back up 🙂
________________________________

How can you tell if someone is resilient?
Do you agree that a person’s resilience determines who succeeds and who fails?
How do you bounce back from a setback?
Do you have an inspiring story about resilience to share?

Wanting it just isn’t enough

This week’s blog has been triggered by a whole bunch of conversations, events, other blog posts and a few of my own ponderings. As the title says, it’s about why wanting it just isn’t enough.

Here’s a few of the trigger events:

I want

• I want to lose weight
• I want to put all those great ideas I just learned into my business
• I want to start my own business
• I want to be with him
• I want to help her
• I want to write a book
• I want to have a baby
• I want to run a marathon one day
• I want to go on holidays
• I want to find a new job
• I want to have a buff body for summer

You’ve probably got many more you could add to the list – some you’ve heard, some of your own.

So, all this wanting got me wondering, why is it that some people want something, then go and make it happen, yet others want something (sometimes very much) yet just can’t seem to get past the wanting and into action mode?

Here are a few of the reasons I’ve uncovered:

1. It’s too scary

   Some of the things we want are big and we know that it will take a big change or a lot of effort to get them and when we start thinking about that, it’s too overwhelming so we stop thinking and just keep wanting.

2. Don’t have the skills

   We just don’t know how to go about getting it. We need skills, knowledge or help from others but maybe don’t even know where to start.

3. Too many other priorities

   Let’s face it, we want a lot! There are many things fighting for our time, our money, our focus and energy.

4. Fear of failure

   This is a big one. If we say we want something, without ever doing anything about it, then we never have to face the possibility that we just can’t have it or that we might not have what it takes to get it.

5. Fear of success

   As the saying goes “be careful what you wish for” or in this case want for. It is possible that we want something but getting it comes at a high cost and we’re not prepared to pay price.

So “I want” to offer some solutions to these and I’m going to! Here are my ideas for when you’re ready to kick start some action….when wanting it just isn’t enough.

1. Eat the elephant one bite at a time
   

   One Bite At A Time?

   I’m sure you’ve heard this saying before. Eating a whole elephant in a single meal would be too much for even the biggest appetite; but by breaking it down into meal size portions, bagging it up for future meals and eating the first meal, you’ll have that elephant eaten in no time. Apologies to the elephant lovers and vegetarians.

2. Ask

   Simple. If you don’t know how, ask someone who does and keep asking and learning until you do know how. If you don’t know who to ask for help, ask someone who to ask! Surrounding yourself with people who can help just makes sense. Yet, so many times I talk to people who are battling away on their own.

   The reason I created Transforme is because I know that people need support to be their best. I also know that finding the right support can be time-consuming and overwhelming. The more information we have access to, the more options there are and the more confusing it can be. Transforme provides people wanting to make important life changes with access to experts in Career, Wellness, Finances, Personal Effectiveness, Personal Development, Relationships and Business. A support team, up-to-date information, resources, tools, coaching and a community. Help and support in one place. Easy.

3. Work out what you really want

   If you want lots of things then you need to prioritise what you want the most. It doesn’t mean you don’t get the other things, it just means you’ll have to wait a bit longer. Try writing down all of your wants then trading one off against the other to test which you want more. Eventually you should have a prioritised list.

4. Get over yourself

   We don’t want to look stupid, we want others to like us, we want to make mistakes. If you want it bad enough then get over these excuses and take the risk – you just might succeed and get what you want and more!

5. Get real

   With yourself. If you want something and it’s important then you’ll find a way. If it just isn’t worth it then let it go and enjoy what you’ve got. Write a list of all that you have already and be thankful for all of that.

If you’ve now decided that wanting it just isn’t enough, then go get it.

I’d love to hear your views.
Is it really this easy? If you want it – go get it?
Can just wanting it be enough?
Is there something you want but even if you put these ideas into place, you still couldn’t have it?

I’ve given you bite size questions. I’m asking you to comment. I really want your view. If I don’t get any comments, I’ll ask again next week. I’ve enjoyed thinking about this topic and writing about it and now I can get onto getting my next want 🙂

5 Reasons Coaching is an “ick” word

I was reading some comments on a forum I participate in and someone commented that “Coaching is such an *ick* word” and that comment got me wondering.

When people ask me, “So Suellen, what do you do?” I NEVER say “I’m a Coach”, instead I say things like “I inspire people to make life changes” or “I offer wellness and lifestyle services for people wanting to kick start their best life” or something along those lines depending on who’s asking.

Why don’t I just say “I’m a Coach”? Well here’s just a few reasons:

1. It’s too vague


I'm a Coach

There are many different types of coaches. I could be a Sports Coach, Health Coach, Business Coach, Life Coach or even a bus or a handbag 😉

The definitions get blurry but here’s a rough guide:

• Business Coach – works with SMEs (usually) on improving business performance
• Executive Coach – works with managers on improving personal / team performance
• Career Coach – help people with their career or career problems
• Sports Coach – train sportspeople to become better at their game
• Health Coach – helps individuals manage health (especially chronic illness)
• Life Coach – also called Personal Coach, works with people on their personal development

Tip: Some coaches do a mix so just describe what change you’d like to make and don’t worry to much about the label.

2. It’s not clear what a Coach does

Unless you’ve worked with a Coach, then you probably don’t really know what they do. It’s open to interpretation and most people won’t ask for clarification.

In a nutshell, a Coach supports you through a change. It might be taking your business to the next level; achieving a personal best sporting performance; achieving personal or team objectives; losing weight; finding your way out of a rut.

Tip: A great coach, inspires you to achieve more than you believe possible.

3. It’s considered woowoo!

Some people lump coaches, counsellors, psychologists and witch doctors in the same category. They just think it’s all woowoo and don’t want to go there.

For some people, they think they need to work everything out for themselves and think it’s weak to get support. Other people prefer to keep things close and don’t like the idea of opening up to a stranger.

Tip: Enlightened people know that support is good and progress is made when we tackle the hard stuff.

4. Every man and his dog seems to be a Coach

Coaching is a growing profession even though it’s been around for at least 20 years. It may seem like there are lots of coaches, because there are, just like there are lots of consultants, builders, teachers, doctors, entrepreneurs…

If you were to engage the services of one of these other professions, you’d probably check them out first. Do the same with a coach. Check out their qualifications, experience, testimonials and expertise.

Tip: Make sure you feel comfortable from the first conversation. Trust your gut.

5. It’s soft and fluffy

Well, it can be but it doesn’t have to be. Coaches have different styles and some people like soft and fluffy. If you’re not one of them, find a coach who is hard and coarse 😉

If you can’t stand phrases like “I will guide you through your mystical transformation” or “empowering you to live a life of meaning and purpose” or “discover your inner harmony” (these are just a few I found doing a quick Google search) then don’t choose that person as your coach!

Tip: Engage a coach who talks your language because chances are you’ll be much more likely to listen.

What’s your experience of coaching?
Ever used a Coach? If so, what for? How was it?
What change would you consider engaging a coach to help you with?