Transforme Blog Has Moved!

I’ve moved my blog onto a new site.

Please come over and take a look at the new blog – www.thekickstartbiz.com or you can visit my website and read the blog there at Transforme.

I appreciate your subscription, comments and views and do hope that you’ll join me on the new and improved Blog.

Here’s an excerpt from my latest post.

Life Is Short.

Today’s post is a difficult one for me to write and I’ve put off writing it for a few weeks because I wasn’t sure that I could or should write it.

I’ve decided to go ahead and write it because:

1. I write about Business, Career and Lifestyle and this post touches on all three in a very personal way
2. I want to honour the life of a person who has touched my own life
3. I want you, my readers, to think about what’s important to you in life.

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Kochie’s Tasty Takeouts

Last week I was lucky enough to attend “Kochie’s Business Builders Bootcamp” gratis thanks to the generosity of my friend Cindy Luken, who was a speaker on a panel session.

Own photo taken during Bootcamp Debrief

Marketing Power

I’d seen the marketing promotions everywhere. If you live in Australia it was hard to miss, and given that I’m about to run my own Bootcamp, I read through the program with interest. The line-up of speakers was impressive – Mark Bouris, Suzi Dafnis, Julia Bickerstaff, Naomi Simson, Camilla Franks and of course David Koch, to name (drop) just a few that caught my eye.

Green-eyed Monster

To be totally honest, even though it’s embarrassing to admit, I was jealous and disheartened. David Koch, a well-known media personality was running a Business Bootcamp just one month ahead of mine. How could I possibly compete with him? All that marketing budget and media power. The great line-up of speakers. Even the name – Business Bootcamp! I was feeling despondent and ready to give up on my own plans.

I consoled myself by brushing the event off as an just another conference, like so many others with lots of interesting people talking, sharing their own experience, promoting their own companies with a few networking opportunities thrown in.

Until I was offered a ticket! For free! How could I not go and check out the competition 😉

How Was it?

In a nutshell, the event was inspiring. Many of the speakers were impressive, some surprisingly so. Justin Herald, Rachel Botsman (girl-crush alert) and Sebastien Eckersley-Maslin were the standouts for me. Justin because I liked his sarcastic wit coupled with his “find a way to make it happen” attitude. Rachel, Social Innovator (I wish I knew about that job when I was deciding on a career path) who was smart, savvy and truly enthusiastic (& 7mths pregnant BTW). Sebastien because he talked a lot of sense and he is involved with Club Kidpreneur.

I’m sure you followed the Twitter #kbbevents stream or knew someone who attended or have read about what the presenters spoke about, so I don’t intend covering that ground here – although more than happy to share with you if you’re interested – just ask 😉

What I’d like to share with you are my personal takeouts that I think you might find tasty.

It’s Good to Press the Flesh

As a solo business owner, I spend a lot of my day talking to myself or my computer. Sure, I’m online so I interact with community on Facebook, LinkedIn & Twitter and with my clients via my online programs but mostly, it’s just me and the screen. At the Bootcamp, I really enjoyed being in a physical room, with people physically present. I’m an extrovert, so I get my energy from interacting with others and at the end of the two days, I felt re-energised and had met some great people – including Jen Brown from Sparta Personal Training who I’d only ever known “virtually”.

Filling Seats is Tough

Even with all that marketing spend and media power, I don’t think the conference was at capacity. I’m not sure how many they expected but I think there were around 700 people in total. I’m also not sure how many people like me, were there for free but I didn’t meet a single person who paid. I’m absolutely not bagging out the promoters, so please don’t send hate mail! I do want to share how hard it is to get the message out to the right community and get that community to part with their dollars, even for a much publicised event. It’s tough. It takes perseverance and creativity – especially if marketing funds are limited. The other thing I realised is, that sometimes you might choose to give a bit away to create the buzz.

You Never Know Who You Might Meet at Lunch

I mentioned Club Kidpreneur earlier. When I heard Sebastien mention it, I took a note to find out more because I wanted to find out whether I could get involved and I thought it might be good for my young son. I figured I’d track it down post-event and see what I could find out. During the next break, I was introduced to a guy by someone else I’d just met and as it turned out the guy, Eamon was a Director of Club Kidpreneur which is about “building a community of passionate business owners / mentors willing to inspire and teach Australia’s next generation of kids to be more entrepreneurial.” How’s that for serendipity!

Technology is the Biz

I took my iPad (no, not iPad2 sadly) and I used it to take notes, send tweets, record some of the sessions and bookmark recommended websites and resources as the speakers mentioned them. HP were a sponsor and emailed out Top Daily Tips each day and were promoting the benefits of their ePrint technology. Many of the speakers were tweeting live and during each session, delegates could participate in live polling on the topics, ask questions & comment via SMS / Twitter – all of which were displayed on the big screen and which made for some funny moments (e.g. Lauren Brown, are you single? I’m 6’2″, funny and handsome!). I love technology and enjoyed watching it being employed for fun and productive use.

Photo courtesy Jen Brown - Sparta Personal Training

Women Are Doin’ It For Themselves

It was fantastic to see so many women, not only speakers but also delegates. In corporate world, I attended my fair share of conferences and on the most part, the majority of presenters were men and the majority of delegates were men. At the Bootcamp, there were smart, sassy, savvy women happily sharing ideas and lessons. It was refreshing. I did wonder whether women are so fed up with the glass ceiling, inequality and inflexibility of corporate land that we’re just taking matters into our own hands and running our own businesses the way we want instead.

Ideas are Good but Action is Better

There was plenty of good advice and information shared throughout the 2 days. Unfortunately I didn’t get the chance to participate in a Business Bunker – a breakout group of 10-15 participants but heard they were great. I got lots of ideas and we were urged by many speakers to take action with what we were learning. We were even told that we could email our “one action item” to Kochie’s team and they will send out a reminder to us to make sure we implement. I’ve already executed on a couple of ideas (Club Kidpreneur, website analysis, marketing plan) and built others into my plans.

I Know I Can Do It

I’m more motivated than ever to promote and run my Bootcamp. Instead of feeling like no one will be interested in what I’ve got to say, I now know that’s just not true. There were so many questions from people wanting to know how to put the ideas into action. We all know the information is out there and we all know that a lot of it will be available free of charge but we are busy and we want it now. The Business Bunker sessions were full because people wanted the personal attention where their own specific issues could be addressed. I know I have a great product. I know there is a market for it. I know my Bootcamp will be intimate and practical and I know that anyone lucky enough to be part of it will have a kick start on their journey to entrepreneurship.

As Michelle Gamble from Marketing Angels told us, business owners need to be “fearless, focused, relentless and consistent”.

Did you attend Kochie’s Business Builders Bootcamp? What did you like best?
Have you ever seen competitors doing something similar to you and lost self-confidence?
What ideas are you putting into action this week?
Have you signed up for my Webinar yet?

Entrepreneurship. All It’s Cracked Up To Be?

Last week I contributed to Dr Shannon Reece’s Weekly Question “What was the catalyst in your life that drove you onto the entrepreneurial path, and what keeps you on it?” Over 100 entrepreneurs shared their stories.

I loved my corporate career

I worked for good companies, starting my career in Human Resources before later becoming a Management Consultant. I’ve worked in about 40 organizations across a range of industry sectors. I had challenging and stretching development opportunities and promotions.

On the whole, I had really good bosses. In fact they were so good, I’m still personal friends with some despite not having worked for them for over 20 years!

I got to travel the world, experience life as an expat in Singapore, New York and London and I met amazing people from all around the world (long before social networking made it easy!). I even met my husband through my career! And of course, I earned a lot of money doing it.

So what was the catalyst that drove me onto the entrepreneurial path, despite such a great career?

Well, despite all of the upside, there was also a lot of downside. Many weekends on a plane, foregoing social events, missing my family, living an unhealthy lifestyle and feeling like a puppet – not in control of my own life. Work was my life.

After the birth of my son, I returned to corporate life in a part-time role thinking that would be the best of both worlds. It wasn’t. I know a lot of women manage it and I take my hat off to them.

I was torn between wanting to do a great job and wanting to be a great mother and have a life. I was miserable. I felt like I was failing at everything.

I had to work out how to put myself back in control.

I wanted to build a lifestyle that gave me the flexibility to spend time with my son when he was a toddler and as he progressed through the school years. I also wanted to do something intellectually challenging that allowed me to earn an income doing something that I love.

I’ve been running my own business now for nearly four years

But it hasn’t all been a straight path from Point A to Point B. In fact, far from it! I’ve meandered. I’ve headed down paths only to come to a dead end. I’ve hit the proverbial fork in the road and had to make a decision about which path to take. I’ve loved it and loathed it – often in the same hour!

Have I ever thought about giving it all up and going to get a J.O.B.? Sure! But the thought of having to go back to corporate world where I’d have to commute to an office, deal with office politics, be physically present between 8am and 6pm and work my butt off for a salary, just makes my stomach churn. Even just writing about it now, I can feel my anxiety level rising.

So, what is it about running a business that’s so appealing?

I recently asked on Twitter “what do you most like about running your own business?”

Here’s a summary of some of the responses that came back:

• For me, it’s the unique ability to create my own context
• Flexibility, control, freedom, ability to to listen to feedback & translate to action wherever possible
• Being able to create MY stuff MY way in a way that works for ME
• It serves my dream life
• (There’s) no real limit as to how successful I’ll be
• Freedom to be
• Being free to pursue my own goals & desired outcomes & not those of others. Being the chess player & not the piece is 4 me.
• My business works for me to provide the cash-flow AND the time-flow to enjoy life at its best. *It* is there to serve *me*.

Thanks Tweeps for your contribution

Sound appealing? To me it does.

But is entrepreneurship all it’s cracked up to be?

Image: renjith krishnan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I can only answer that question from my own personal perspective and the answer for me is “yes, but…”

1. You need to be realistic about your earning potential.
   Chances are, you will take a drop in income when you first start out. Sure, there are lots of success stories out there where people managed to make more than they did in a corporate job but for most people it takes time to build a business and replace or exceed the income. Work out what financial reserves you have and how you’ll manage the cash flow.
2. It’s important that you love your business idea because you will live it 24/7.
   You will be reading, networking, learning, creating and immersed in your business. It’s hard to switch off. You need to create work/life balance and this can be even harder when you work for yourself, particularly if you’re a driven, motivated, high-achiever.
3. Self-discipline is critical.
   It’s easy to spend time doing things that have nothing to do with building your business. You can sleep in late. You can go for a run mid-morning. You can meet friends for lunch. You can get the washing, shopping, cleaning done. You can spend hours on Twitter, Google, YouTube and Facebook. Before you know it, the day, week, month is gone but your business is flailing. Having a structure to your day/week and systems in place helps.
4. It can be an emotional rollercoaster.
   Every business owner I’ve ever spoken to says that they experience emotional highs and lows, often in the same hour! You need to develop resilience and find coping mechanisms help you through. Don’t rely solely on friends or a partner and don’t try to deal with it alone. Get a good support network in place.
5. It’s not for everyone.
   If you want someone to tell you what to do, when to do it and how to do it, then stick with a job. If you can’t afford to or don’t want to take financial risks, then stick with a job where someone pays you a salary. If you’ve found a job that you’re excited about, that fits with your lifestyle, that is fulfilling, that ticks all your boxes, then hang on to it – you’re one of the lucky ones.

I’d love to hear your views about whether you think being an entrepreneur is all it’s cracked up to be or whether it’s all a bit over-rated.

If you’ve got a question for me about running a business, please ask it. I’m happy to share all that I know.

P.S. If you are ready to make the leap from corporate job holder to entrepreneur, then join my free webinar, where I’ll share the five keys to starting your own business, avoiding common start-up mistakes.

Stop Reading. It’s Bad For You

Yes you did read that correctly. Of course I mean after you’ve read this article 😉

I love reading. My bookshelves are overflowing with books. My husband loves to read and our 6yr old son loves to read too. I read fiction, non-fiction, business books and books about running. I hate it when people ask me “what’s your favorite book?” Why? Well, I’m hopeless at remembering titles and authors and I’ve read so many great books that I find it hard to choose a favorite.

If I love reading so much, why am I telling you to stop?

Well, I’m talking about getting caught in the common trap of trawling the internet seeking out the latest and greatest articles and posts from “those in the know”. Downloading the free ebooks that promise you how to attract thousands of loyal clients in your sleep. Why oh why do I get sucked into those catchy titles? I must’ve downloaded over 100 ebooks in the past year. I’ve probably read one quarter of them at best.

Don’t get me wrong. There are some amazing free resources out there. Some are so good in fact, that I don’t understand why they are being offered for free. Well, I do know why. They are offered as a marketing hook, a list building magnet, a client relationship building tool etc. In fact, I offer one myself “Kick Start Checklist” along with some audio downloads.

I’ve also paid for some articles and ebooks and guess what? I’m 100% more likely to read the articles I’ve paid for than those that are free. I know this is true for people who download my freebies too. Less than 50% actually open the first email containing the download links! I don’t know how many of those that open, then read / listen but I bet it’s not 100%! Now this could say something about the quality of my freebies but I think it’s more of a reflection of internet behavior in general.

But why I am saying reading is bad for you? Well, it’s bad for you if you spend waste your valuable time trawling, downloading and skimming articles instead of doing what you need to do to take your business to the next step.

It can also be bad for you if you become so overwhelmed by the abundance of information that you end up stuck and unable to work out which “advice” to follow. You have a university degree worth of information but can’t put pen to paper to write that exam essay!

Finally, it’s bad for you if you if it starts playing with your head. You know “Wow, that’s a fantastic ebook and she’s offering it for free! There’s no way I could produce anything that good. Oh, I’m never going to make a success of my business. No one will want to listen to what I’ve got to say, never mind pay money for it.” Or something along those lines.

I’m not really suggesting that you should stop reading completely but here are a few tips to help you avoid the pitfalls mentioned above.

Limit yourself to one hour per day

I believe in keeping up to date and in continuous learning, so searching for new and interesting ideas is worthwhile but limit yourself to one hour per day maximum. Don’t do it during your prime productive time. Choose a time like lunchtime or later in the evening (instead of or while watching crap TV).

Search for specific articles

Think about what you’re currently working on and what ideas, inspiration or knowledge you need to take the next step. Be disciplined and only search for articles that you can use this week. If you happen to come across something interesting, then flag it or tag to read later.

Learn the lesson and take action

Read the article, listen to the audio or watch the video and take notes as you go. Decide exactly how you are going to apply it to your business. What actions will you take?

Use technology

Use bookmarks, Instapaper, a web reader like Google Reader, Kindle / iBooks and other technology to save time and to organize your reading lists. If you have an iPad, you can then save everything to one of these applications and read it when you have downtime – waiting for the kids at soccer practice, while eating lunch, in bed or at the beach.

Stop negative self talk

If you find yourself slipping into negative thinking as you’re reading an article, stop. Either reframe your thinking and work out how you could improve on the article and make it work for your business or stop reading and move onto a task that you makes you feel good about yourself.

I do hope you’re still reading 😉 In my fortnightly newsletter, I share my blog finds of the week and those that I recommend are definitely worth adding to your favorite Reader.

Do you find yourself downloading freebies but not ever reading them?
Can you relate to the negative thinking?
What tips can you share to make reading for business productive?

If you liked this article, please use the buttons below to like or share with others.

Everyone Wants to Be Rich, Happy & Hot

One of the people of my watch-list is Marie Forleo and if you visit her blog, you’ll see that her tagline is:

Where Women Entrepreneurs Live Rich, Happy and Hot

Nice eh?

As a woman entrepreneur, I certainly want to be rich, happy and hot.

But today I feel poor, pissed off and far from hot!

You see, I’ve had one of those weeks. You know the ones where nothing seems to work like it should. Let me share my woes – they say sharing makes you feel better so let’s see.

• My internet connection is sloooooooooow and I don’t know why but the result is it’s taking me ages to get things done
• I wanted to makes some changes to my website but didn’t have the know-how so have to wait for my web developer to do it for me
• My taxes from last year have been hanging over my head and I had to get them done even though I really wanted to spend the time doing other things
• I’m creating a new program which I know will be great but that stupid negative little voice inside my head won’t shut up
• I want to bounce some ideas around but I don’t want to burden my networking community because they’re all busy too
• I had to delete over 150 “likers” from my Facebook fanpage and only 38 have “re-liked” which is pretty depressing 😦
• I saw a sales promotion for a program about “how to build a thriving online audience” featuring gurus like Corbett Barr, Leo Barbuto, Gary Vaynerchuk and Danielle LaPorte but I’ve spend my training budget so can’t do it.

I could go on, and on, and on, but I realize you’ve probably already got the violin out! I know, none of these things are big disasters and as my stepson would remind me “they’re very 1st world problems.” He’d be right of course. But the thing is, they’re my problems and I have to deal with them.

The reason people like Marie Forleo, Corbett Barr, Leo Barbuto, Gary Vaynerchuk, Danielle LaPorte and hundreds of others are in business, is because these are the sorts of issues entrepreneurs face and have to deal with – especially those of us in the startup and early growth stages.

So what am I going to do about all of these terrible problems?

Deal with the overwhelm

Serendipitously I read a blog post over lunch (yep that’s what we entrepreneurs do for lunch!) written by another person on my watch-list Peter Shallard – The Shrink for Entrepreneurs. It was all about dealing with overwhelm. You know, when it all gets too much? He advises to “Be in the Now” meaning don’t focus on all that has to be done at some point in the future. Instead deal with what can be done right now.

Remember it’s a marathon not a sprint

As many of you know, I’m a runner – well an aspiring runner. I’m also terribly impatient. I want everything NOW! My husband (AKA Adonis) introduced me to the wonderful phrase “instant gratification is too slow”. That sums me up perfectly. However, I need to remember when it comes to growing a business, I need to be patient. I’m in this for the long haul. It takes time so I need to give it time.

Ask for help

I’m a big believer in the strength and power of networks, communities, support groups – whatever term tickles your fancy. I’m an extrovert so I get my energy from other people. I need people to talk to, share ideas with chew the fat with. I’m just not very good at asking for help, especially when I need it most. You see, I don’t like to be a burden and I hate not being good at things so asking for help can be tough but I need to JFDI.

Tell the negative voice to eff off

This is hard to do. I’m a high achiever and a perfectionist. Yes, I’m a nightmare to live with 🙂 The result is that I’m never satisfied and always think I can do better. For me, it also means I think everyone else is doing it better than me, faster than me or smarter than me. Some days that negative voice just doesn’t let up. It shouts rather than whispers. I need to tell it to hush. I need to teach that positive, supportive little voice to speak up and speak often.

Ahhhhh. I’m feeling better already. Rich, Happy, Hot….not yet but working on it.

As an entrepreneur do you ever feel this way?
Do you have any other tips to help me and others like me?

If you’ve liked what you’ve read, then please like it. If you know someone else who might benefit, please share it.

I wish I had the guts to…

People often say to me “I wish I had the guts to do what you do.” OK, most don’t say exactly that but that’s the sentiment.

Sometimes they’re talking about me running my own business, sometimes they’re referring to me running a marathon, sometimes it’s about me telling it like it is 😉

Although I hear it a lot, I’m still surprised when people say it to me. You see, I don’t think what I do is anything extraordinary. I think everything that I do, other people can do and do it better! I don’t think I’m anything special. But I am. You see, I don’t wish it, I make it happen.

Is wishing just an opportunity to moan about what’s missing from your life instead of taking action to change it? I’m not saying that everything you wish for you can have, but what if you decided to stop wishing and start getting? What would you have to do differently? How much do you honestly want it and do you have the guts to get it?

Here is a 5 step plan to building guts.

1. Step 1 – Get Over Your Fear

   There is usually good reason. You’ve had other priorities, you’ve been too busy, you can’t afford it or perhaps you’ve tried but failed. Thinking about why you don’t already have what you wish for, will help you work out what’s been holding you back. In my experience, fear is the single thing that stops us taking action to get what we want. Everything else is an excuse (often valid) but fear is really at the core of it.

   I’ve been reading Tim Ferriss’ “The 4-hour Work Week” (now on my iPad!), and he suggests an activity that I think is great for getting to the bottom of fear.

   What you do is, imagine the absolute worst thing that could happen if you pursued your wish. Would it cause permanent damage? What steps would you take to get things back on track? Chances are you could turn things around right?

   Now imagine the more probable scenario – what is more likely to happen? I bet it’s likely that you could produce a moderate outcome rather than the worst case scenario.

   Finally, think about what it’s costing you not to pursue your dream? How will you feel in another 10 years if you don’t take action?

2. Step 2 – Get Uncomfortable

   OK, this is where you need to get straight with yourself. It’s fine to wish for something that is within your means but if your wish is well beyond your means (resources, capability, control etc.) then your wish is a pipedream and you should see it as that and move on.

   There’s a difference between something being beyond your means and beyond your comfort zone. Having the guts to take action, usually means getting uncomfortable. Believe me, running a marathon is not comfortable! Running a business means learning new skills and feeling uncomfortable at times.

   Just do it anyway. Have guts, get uncomfortable.

3. Step 3 – Work Out What it Will Take

   I’m not talking here about winning the lottery 😉 What I am saying, is work through the steps required to achieve your wish.

   Let’s take an example – I wish I didn’t have to travel for work and be away from home all week.

   What actions could you take? What options do you have? Are you working with facts or feelings? How long will it take?

   Taking the time to work through what’s required, helps you see a clear path for what action you need to take. If you don’t take this step, then you really don’t know whether it’s achievable. You’ll don’t know how much guts you need until you know what needs to be done.

4. Step 4 – Pay the Price

   As the saying goes “be careful what you wish for”. Once you’ve worked out what it will take to get your wish, ask yourself two questions.

   First – Am I willing to do what it takes to get this?
   Second – When I get it, what will it be like?

   Using the same example as we did in step 3, if you look at what needs to be done and the mere thought of it is overwhelming, then the chance of you doing something about it are slim to none. The price you’d have to pay for your wish is too high.

   Thinking then about the second question; if you did change jobs or started a business that gave you the flexibility to be home more, then what? Would you be wishing you had some time to yourself? If you are home more, will there be an expectation on you to do more around the house? Will you lose your frequent flyer miles and have to pay for flights and holidays in future?

   Everything comes with a price – if you say you want it , make sure you mean it!

5. Step 5 – Take Action

   Or, JFDI! Stop making excuses, stop moaning to others, stop thinking, wishing, dreaming. Instead start doing. If you get to this step, then you know why you haven’t already got what you want, you know it is possible for you to have it, you know what it will take to get it and you are prepared to pay the price. So now, take action.

   It sounds simple enough but this is where a lot of people come unstuck.

   They just can’t seem to make things happen.

   I work with clients who have most of the answers in their heads, some even have them written down in detailed plans, yet they don’t take action. Why?

   For some it’s fear of failure.

   Some are good thinkers and planners but not implementers.

   For others it’s procrastination – they can’t decide where to start or whether they’re doing the right thing or when’s the best time.

   There are good reasons for not taking action and if you find yourself stuck, then at least have the guts to get some assistance.

There it is. A five step plan to building guts.

I’m not trying to be trivial or to suggest that it’s easy to get what you want. What I am attempting to do is to inspire you to do something about your wishes so that they don’t just stay wishes.

Are you fed up with the daily grind and wish you had the guts to start a business? My new program “Gutsy Business – From Daily Grind to Lifestyle Freedom” will be run for the first time ever in May 2011. To make sure you don’t miss out on the early bird offer, sign up for the fortnightly Kick Start Newsletter so that you are the first to find out how to register. Transforme members will have priority access.”

What do you wish you had the guts to do?
Have you made a gutsy change? How did that work out for you?
Have you ever had to face your worst case scenario? What happened?

As always, I’d love to hear your views. Have you got the guts to comment? 😉
Oh, while you’re here, check out my new home and about page and if you like it, please “like” it. If you think someone else should read it then please “share” it.

Are You Up To The Challenge?

This week I launched a 4 Week Kick Start (4WKS) Challenge as part of a weekly radio segment I do with Niki Springett on Northside Broadcasting 99.3FM.

The idea of the challenge is to inspire the listeners of the show to stop wishing, thinking, planning, resolving and to start taking action to make change happen. If you’re sick of breaking commitments to yourself (and others around you) then you might like to join the challenge too.

Each week, for 4 weeks, I’ll share an activity that you can do to kick start change. This will require you to do some thinking and if you’re keen, spend some time each week completing a task.

Each task is designed to move you toward a better life by giving you self-insight and personal growth in areas that are currently holding you back. The activities are practical and not all “woo woo, fluffy, daily affirmation” things (not that there’s anything wrong with that, it’s just not my style).

The topic for Week 1 is “Stop Putting Up With and Start Getting What You Want”.

The reason for starting with this topic is because all of us put up with stuff. It’s usually a combination of small stuff and big stuff. Here’s some examples directly from my clients:

• Putting myself last
• Not having faith in myself
• Not finishing things due to fear of failure
• Putting off paying the credit card to enjoy life now
• Not keeping up with emails
• An untidy house
• A broken photocopier

The thing is, over time these items build up and bring us down and we either explode about something apparently trivial or we end up feeling frustrated, angry or disappointed with ourselves and others.

So, the first activity in the Challenge is to make a list of all of the things you are putting up with. These are called Tolerations.

Part 1 – Make a List

Take a piece of paper and just start making a list all of the things that you are putting up with. Start writing things down – no matter how trivial they seem. Add to your list as more things come up for you. Keep your worksheet close by your bedside as you try to fall asleep at night because that’s often when we stew about the things that are annoying us.

Part 2 – Take Action

Decide which items on your list you will no longer tolerate. For each one think about the changes you will make. That might include asking others to do things for you, letting go of duties or responsibilities, getting qualified or skilled or just deciding to do something that you want to do with no regard for what others may think.

A True Story

What I want to share with you in this post is a true story of how putting up with things stops us from getting what we want.

A client, I’ll call her Jenny, came to me for coaching because she was very unhappy in her job. She was in a senior role in a large organisation and had a very successful career. She earned very good money. Her husband also had a senior role and they worked long hours but managed to build in time for each other and their two school-aged children. They went on good holidays together, had a lovely house in an exclusive suburb and a good social network. All sounds pretty good right? Wrong.

As I coached Jenny over a few sessions, she told me that she’d never really loved her job but was a high-achiever who applied herself and didn’t like to fail. As a result, she’d been promoted and head-hunted to bigger and better roles. It all kind of happened around her and she went with it. Her problem was that she was now dependent on the money to fund her lifestyle, defined herself by her career, felt that her husband liked that she had such a good job and she felt trapped.

No one knew that Jenny felt this way because she kept it all to herself and kept up the facade of a being a successful career woman, wife and mother. As she spoke to me about how she was feeling, she was very emotional. She had been putting up with doing a job she just didn’t like, the expectations of others, her own needs and desires going unmet and inside and was feeling desperately unhappy. When I asked her why she put up with feeling this way and not doing something about it, she said she didn’t want to disappoint anyone. She also felt that she would be a failure if she admitted to feeling like this.

Jenny had made the decision to tolerate being unhappy to apparently please other people and to feed her own self-perception.

Jenny eventually spoke to her husband about how she was feeling, worked out what she wanted to do and a plan for making that happen in a way that she was comfortable with and that didn’t destroy all of the good things she had going. She is still a successful career woman, wife and mother but now she’s also happy.

The reason I wanted to share a real experience is to show you how much and for how long we put up with things and what an impact it has on us.

By taking stock of the things we are tolerating and then taking action to put changes in place to eliminate or reduce these tolerations, we can start to live a better life.

So, if Jenny’s story resonated with you or got you thinking about the things you’re putting up with, then why not join the 4 Week Kick Start Challenge? More details are available on my website.

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Have you stopped putting up with something that you weren’t happy about?
Do you have a story to share about tolerations?
Are you up for the 4 Week Challenge?

Mad Men vs. Mod Men – Lessons from a different era

Mad Men or Mod Men

For the past few weeks, I’ve been watching the award winning TV series Mad Men. I’d heard people rave about the show so decided to find out for myself what the hype was all about. I have to say, I’m loving it so far. I’m only up to Season 2 and Season 4 is currently airing, so there won’t be any major spoilers here to worry about.

As I was watching last night, I commented on how things have changed, in the workplace and in society, from the sixties, when the show is set. For those of you who haven’t seen the show, here’s a Wiki link to a quick synopsis. (WARNING: This synopsis does include some spoilers as it is up to date)

Some things are very different

There are some blindingly obvious, major differences like:

• Everyone smokes, everywhere
• Drinking and drink driving is the norm
• Overt discrimination and sexual harrassment is standard behaviour
• No computers, mobiles or i-anythings

Some things maybe not so

The more interesting point for discussion is where things may not have changed all that much, other than superficially or for political correctness. So here’s a few to kick things off:

• men are the main / only breadwinners and women are highly dependent on them
• relaxing with a drink or two to take the edge off, every day, starting about 4pm, or earlier
• women (and men) staying in unhealthy relationships because they can’t see a way out
• discrimination and harrassment, although probably less overt

Mad Men Character Lessons

In Mad Men, the sixties and today, some people are able to push through the adversity and the absurdity of these situations, yet others are not. What lessons can we learn from the Mad Men characters?

1. Peggy
   

   Peggy

   Her story: Peggy breaks into the male domain (with support from her boss Don) and progresses from secretary to copywriter with her own office (albeit shared with the new photocopier).

   What we learn from her: Self confidence, it’s OK to be different, importance of a sponsor / mentor (Don)

2. Don
   

   Don Draper

   His story: Successful, handsome, married, womaniser. Don takes on an assumed identity in an attempt to escape his unhappy past

   What we learn from him: There’s a high price to be paid for trying to pretend we’re someone we’re not. Be yourself.

3. Joan
   

   Joan Holloway

   Her story: Joan is head of the secretarial staff, a “real woman with curves” who plays by the rules.

   What we learn from her: We limit our on growth & fulfillment if we always do what’s expected of us, instead of doing what we really want.

4. Betty
   

   Betty Draper

   Her story: Betty, Bryn Mawr College graduate, ex-model, Don’s stay-at-home Stepford wife and mother to his children. Unhappy with her life and relationship. Often seen having a glass of red wine quite early in the day.

   What we learn from her: Betty seeks help, shows us self-respect is important and we don’t have to “put up” with unhealthy relationships.

5. Pete
   

   Pete Campbell

   His story: Pete is young, ambitious and failing to live up to the unrealistic expectations of his father and then father-in-law.

   What we learn from him: We can twist ourselves in knots trying to please some people and never succeed. Better to live to our own values and standards.

   Why do some people succeed at making change and others don’t?
   Which character traits, if any, are key to happiness?
   Why do some people put up with a job they dislike, a bad relationship, being overweight etc instead of doing something about it?