I wish I had the guts to…

People often say to me “I wish I had the guts to do what you do.” OK, most don’t say exactly that but that’s the sentiment.

Sometimes they’re talking about me running my own business, sometimes they’re referring to me running a marathon, sometimes it’s about me telling it like it is 😉

Although I hear it a lot, I’m still surprised when people say it to me. You see, I don’t think what I do is anything extraordinary. I think everything that I do, other people can do and do it better! I don’t think I’m anything special. But I am. You see, I don’t wish it, I make it happen.

Is wishing just an opportunity to moan about what’s missing from your life instead of taking action to change it? I’m not saying that everything you wish for you can have, but what if you decided to stop wishing and start getting? What would you have to do differently? How much do you honestly want it and do you have the guts to get it?

Here is a 5 step plan to building guts.

1. Step 1 – Get Over Your Fear

   There is usually good reason. You’ve had other priorities, you’ve been too busy, you can’t afford it or perhaps you’ve tried but failed. Thinking about why you don’t already have what you wish for, will help you work out what’s been holding you back. In my experience, fear is the single thing that stops us taking action to get what we want. Everything else is an excuse (often valid) but fear is really at the core of it.

   I’ve been reading Tim Ferriss’ “The 4-hour Work Week” (now on my iPad!), and he suggests an activity that I think is great for getting to the bottom of fear.

   What you do is, imagine the absolute worst thing that could happen if you pursued your wish. Would it cause permanent damage? What steps would you take to get things back on track? Chances are you could turn things around right?

   Now imagine the more probable scenario – what is more likely to happen? I bet it’s likely that you could produce a moderate outcome rather than the worst case scenario.

   Finally, think about what it’s costing you not to pursue your dream? How will you feel in another 10 years if you don’t take action?

2. Step 2 – Get Uncomfortable

   OK, this is where you need to get straight with yourself. It’s fine to wish for something that is within your means but if your wish is well beyond your means (resources, capability, control etc.) then your wish is a pipedream and you should see it as that and move on.

   There’s a difference between something being beyond your means and beyond your comfort zone. Having the guts to take action, usually means getting uncomfortable. Believe me, running a marathon is not comfortable! Running a business means learning new skills and feeling uncomfortable at times.

   Just do it anyway. Have guts, get uncomfortable.

3. Step 3 – Work Out What it Will Take

   I’m not talking here about winning the lottery 😉 What I am saying, is work through the steps required to achieve your wish.

   Let’s take an example – I wish I didn’t have to travel for work and be away from home all week.

   What actions could you take? What options do you have? Are you working with facts or feelings? How long will it take?

   Taking the time to work through what’s required, helps you see a clear path for what action you need to take. If you don’t take this step, then you really don’t know whether it’s achievable. You’ll don’t know how much guts you need until you know what needs to be done.

4. Step 4 – Pay the Price

   As the saying goes “be careful what you wish for”. Once you’ve worked out what it will take to get your wish, ask yourself two questions.

   First – Am I willing to do what it takes to get this?
   Second – When I get it, what will it be like?

   Using the same example as we did in step 3, if you look at what needs to be done and the mere thought of it is overwhelming, then the chance of you doing something about it are slim to none. The price you’d have to pay for your wish is too high.

   Thinking then about the second question; if you did change jobs or started a business that gave you the flexibility to be home more, then what? Would you be wishing you had some time to yourself? If you are home more, will there be an expectation on you to do more around the house? Will you lose your frequent flyer miles and have to pay for flights and holidays in future?

   Everything comes with a price – if you say you want it , make sure you mean it!

5. Step 5 – Take Action

   Or, JFDI! Stop making excuses, stop moaning to others, stop thinking, wishing, dreaming. Instead start doing. If you get to this step, then you know why you haven’t already got what you want, you know it is possible for you to have it, you know what it will take to get it and you are prepared to pay the price. So now, take action.

   It sounds simple enough but this is where a lot of people come unstuck.

   They just can’t seem to make things happen.

   I work with clients who have most of the answers in their heads, some even have them written down in detailed plans, yet they don’t take action. Why?

   For some it’s fear of failure.

   Some are good thinkers and planners but not implementers.

   For others it’s procrastination – they can’t decide where to start or whether they’re doing the right thing or when’s the best time.

   There are good reasons for not taking action and if you find yourself stuck, then at least have the guts to get some assistance.

There it is. A five step plan to building guts.

I’m not trying to be trivial or to suggest that it’s easy to get what you want. What I am attempting to do is to inspire you to do something about your wishes so that they don’t just stay wishes.

Are you fed up with the daily grind and wish you had the guts to start a business? My new program “Gutsy Business – From Daily Grind to Lifestyle Freedom” will be run for the first time ever in May 2011. To make sure you don’t miss out on the early bird offer, sign up for the fortnightly Kick Start Newsletter so that you are the first to find out how to register. Transforme members will have priority access.”

What do you wish you had the guts to do?
Have you made a gutsy change? How did that work out for you?
Have you ever had to face your worst case scenario? What happened?

As always, I’d love to hear your views. Have you got the guts to comment? 😉
Oh, while you’re here, check out my new home and about page and if you like it, please “like” it. If you think someone else should read it then please “share” it.

Are You Up To The Challenge?

This week I launched a 4 Week Kick Start (4WKS) Challenge as part of a weekly radio segment I do with Niki Springett on Northside Broadcasting 99.3FM.

The idea of the challenge is to inspire the listeners of the show to stop wishing, thinking, planning, resolving and to start taking action to make change happen. If you’re sick of breaking commitments to yourself (and others around you) then you might like to join the challenge too.

Each week, for 4 weeks, I’ll share an activity that you can do to kick start change. This will require you to do some thinking and if you’re keen, spend some time each week completing a task.

Each task is designed to move you toward a better life by giving you self-insight and personal growth in areas that are currently holding you back. The activities are practical and not all “woo woo, fluffy, daily affirmation” things (not that there’s anything wrong with that, it’s just not my style).

The topic for Week 1 is “Stop Putting Up With and Start Getting What You Want”.

The reason for starting with this topic is because all of us put up with stuff. It’s usually a combination of small stuff and big stuff. Here’s some examples directly from my clients:

• Putting myself last
• Not having faith in myself
• Not finishing things due to fear of failure
• Putting off paying the credit card to enjoy life now
• Not keeping up with emails
• An untidy house
• A broken photocopier

The thing is, over time these items build up and bring us down and we either explode about something apparently trivial or we end up feeling frustrated, angry or disappointed with ourselves and others.

So, the first activity in the Challenge is to make a list of all of the things you are putting up with. These are called Tolerations.

Part 1 – Make a List

Take a piece of paper and just start making a list all of the things that you are putting up with. Start writing things down – no matter how trivial they seem. Add to your list as more things come up for you. Keep your worksheet close by your bedside as you try to fall asleep at night because that’s often when we stew about the things that are annoying us.

Part 2 – Take Action

Decide which items on your list you will no longer tolerate. For each one think about the changes you will make. That might include asking others to do things for you, letting go of duties or responsibilities, getting qualified or skilled or just deciding to do something that you want to do with no regard for what others may think.

A True Story

What I want to share with you in this post is a true story of how putting up with things stops us from getting what we want.

A client, I’ll call her Jenny, came to me for coaching because she was very unhappy in her job. She was in a senior role in a large organisation and had a very successful career. She earned very good money. Her husband also had a senior role and they worked long hours but managed to build in time for each other and their two school-aged children. They went on good holidays together, had a lovely house in an exclusive suburb and a good social network. All sounds pretty good right? Wrong.

As I coached Jenny over a few sessions, she told me that she’d never really loved her job but was a high-achiever who applied herself and didn’t like to fail. As a result, she’d been promoted and head-hunted to bigger and better roles. It all kind of happened around her and she went with it. Her problem was that she was now dependent on the money to fund her lifestyle, defined herself by her career, felt that her husband liked that she had such a good job and she felt trapped.

No one knew that Jenny felt this way because she kept it all to herself and kept up the facade of a being a successful career woman, wife and mother. As she spoke to me about how she was feeling, she was very emotional. She had been putting up with doing a job she just didn’t like, the expectations of others, her own needs and desires going unmet and inside and was feeling desperately unhappy. When I asked her why she put up with feeling this way and not doing something about it, she said she didn’t want to disappoint anyone. She also felt that she would be a failure if she admitted to feeling like this.

Jenny had made the decision to tolerate being unhappy to apparently please other people and to feed her own self-perception.

Jenny eventually spoke to her husband about how she was feeling, worked out what she wanted to do and a plan for making that happen in a way that she was comfortable with and that didn’t destroy all of the good things she had going. She is still a successful career woman, wife and mother but now she’s also happy.

The reason I wanted to share a real experience is to show you how much and for how long we put up with things and what an impact it has on us.

By taking stock of the things we are tolerating and then taking action to put changes in place to eliminate or reduce these tolerations, we can start to live a better life.

So, if Jenny’s story resonated with you or got you thinking about the things you’re putting up with, then why not join the 4 Week Kick Start Challenge? More details are available on my website.

If you enjoyed this post and think others would benefit from reading it, please use the buttons below to share it.

———————————–
Have you stopped putting up with something that you weren’t happy about?
Do you have a story to share about tolerations?
Are you up for the 4 Week Challenge?