Lies, Lies and Santa Claus

My 6.5 year old came home from school yesterday and told me that he had something important to tell me. He was very upset, crying and obviously something was worrying him. He told me that he’d been deceitful (his word, not mine!) and needed to tell the truth.

Now, as a mother, at this point a few things were going through my mind. First, I didn’t like seeing him upset and wanted to reassure him that he could talk to me about whatever it was and that we’d sort it out. Second, I was concerned about what it was he’d done that had him so worried. I know, he’s only 6.5yrs old so it couldn’t be anything too bad right? Still, my mind was racing.

After I gave him a cuddle and sat him on my lap, something he won’t do that much longer 😦 he told me what was bothering him.

A Child’s Secret

Back in Term 1, I received a call from the school saying that my little boy was up in the office following a fall. Any of you who are parents will know, that when that call comes from the school, your heart races. They assured me he was fine but upset and had a cut on his chin and wanted me to see it so I could decide whether I wanted him to see a doctor. Apart from a bit of blood, lots of tears and ruined school shirt, he was fine.

At the time of the injury, he told his teacher and us, that he’d tripped and fallen on that spongy covering they often use around play equipment. When he first did it, he didn’t tell the teacher on playground duty nor his own teacher. He went with a friend to the bathrooms and tried to clean it up himself. It was only when he saw all the blood that he freaked out and told the teacher.

So, what’s that got to do with the current upset?

Well, it turns out that he didn’t trip and fall but had injured his chin while messing around on climbing equipment that he wasn’t supposed to be on at the time. No big deal right? Wrong. With Christmas so close and all the talk of Santa’s naughty and nice lists, this small lie has played on his mind. He had carried this lie around for the whole year and was sure that Santa knew it and had put him on the naughty list and he would not be getting any presents. A big motivation for telling the truth it turns out! He decided he needed to tell the truth not only to us but also to his teacher. Bless him.

A Man’s Pretense

In a related tale, which also crossed my path yesterday, another mother had herself just been through a bit of an ordeal. Her husband is a successful Chief Financial Officer (CFO) and had recently been offered a new job which required him and his family to relocate. They had rented out their family home, found a new place to live, enrolled children in the new school for 2011 and were in the final stages of moving; when….her husband told her he hated being a CFO and didn’t want to take the job because he couldn’t face uprooting his wife and children and moving for a job he didn’t really want!

Luckily, they were able to reverse all the plans without too much upset and are now staying put. The husband is at a crossroads and wants to look at his career options so that he can stop the pretense and start living a life he enjoys.

Lessons For Us

My reason for blogging about these stories, is to share the lessons they offer for us.

1. Lying Catches Up With You. We all lie. I read a blog post yesterday that proclaimed that “the average person lies three times in a typical ten-minute conversation”. We don’t like to admit it but we do. Some more than others. The point is, lying catches up with us eventually. My mother always used to tell me “you need to have a good memory to be a liar.” She was right.
2. Living Under False Pretenses Makes You Miserable. Sure, we can pretend for a long time. We can even pretend to ourselves. But why bother? We are in control of our own destiny so why waste our life pretending we’re enjoying doing something we loathe. Stop the pretense and start living the truth.
3. It Takes Courage to Confess. Sometimes we live with a lie or under false pretense for a long time and suffer a lot of inner anguish before finally taking the brave step of telling the truth. It takes a lot of courage to tell the truth, particularly when our lies and pretenses impact others you care about.
4. Fessing Up is Rarely as Bad as You Imagine. On the whole, probably because we all lie, we are generally forgiving of others’ lies. How we imagine others will react and the potential consequences for our actions are often a lot worse than the reality. We are often tougher on ourselves than others are on us.
5. It Will Be A Weight Off Your Shoulders. Even if those are small 6.5yr old shoulders. Carrying a lie or living under false pretense is a heavy burden to bear. Telling the truth, although difficult will be worth it. You will feel a lot better about yourself.

   As the year comes to a close, it’s often a time of reflection. Perhaps this year, you might want to reflect on the lies and pretenses that are bearing down on you. As you read this blog, did you feel uncomfortable? If so, are you ready to face up to it so that you can start 2011 with a clear conscience? If a 6.5yr old can do it, I’m sure you can too 🙂

   Wishing you all the gift of inner peace.

   As always, I’d love to hear your views, particularly about:

   When it is OK to lie? E.g. Lying about Santa!
   Under what circumstances it might be better to live with a lie than tell the truth? E.g. Hurting someone else to make yourself feel better?

   If you’re too busy to comment, please Tweet, Like or Share – thank you 😀

Reflect on 2010 and Manifest 2011

Reverb 10 is an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next. It actually started on 1 Dec and runs for the whole month but I only just stumbled upon it today as I was doing my weekly search for Blog Finds and Websites of the Week – a regular feature in my weekly newsletter.

What it’s all about
It’s a simple idea. Each day of December, Reverb 10 and their contributing authors, post a word (or two) and a prompt. You then reflect on that prompt, write a post, keep a journal, whatever..and that’s it. You can sign-up to participate officially or just give it a go yourself.

Dec 1 – Dec 8
I’m joining the fun a little late so in this post, I’m going to share days 1-8 with you from both a personal and professional perspective. So, here goes!

December 1 – One Word

“Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? (Author: Gwen Bell)”

My one word for 2010 is BEGINNINGS. My son started school. I started running seriously, completing my first marathon. I refreshed and relaunched my business and I started blogging.

My word to capture what I hope for 2011 is GROWTH.

December 2 – Writing

“What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it? (Author: Leo Babauta)”

I don’t write each day so this one doesn’t work for me – sorry Leo

December 3 – Moment

“Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). (Author: Ali Edwards)”

This has to be Sunday September 18. The day I ran the marathon. I won’t describe it in detail here as I blogged about my whole journey and made a vblog on the day.

December 4 – Wonder

“How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? (Author: Jeffrey Davis)”

I have to say, just being a parent to a school age child cultivates a sense of wonder. Watching him learn new things, discover how the world works and seeing him develop is a great experience.

I’m also lucky enough to be able to create a sense of wonder with my clients. There is nothing more rewarding than working with someone who has an “aha” moment.

December 5 – Let Go

“What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)”

I let go of my original vision of Transforme. I started the business back in 2007 with a partner and it was our joint vision but once I took sole responsibility, I realised I needed to take Transforme in a slightly different direction to enable me to meet the needs of my clients. As it turns out, it was good to let go and move on.

December 6 – Make

“What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it? (Author: Gretchen Rubin)”

The last thing I made was a Lego creation for my son! I’m not artistic or crafty so I don’t tend to make things. I do like to cook and I make dinner quite often but I don’t think that’s what Gretchen had in mind when she set this prompt.

So, aside from these things, I consider the last thing I made to be my online Life Change Program. I used my creative intellect, life experience, snazzy software and my time to create what I believe to be a solid program for anyone wanting to make important life changes. [How’s that for a blatant plug!]

I want to make more products in 2011 so need to clear the time to do that. It’s easy to get caught up in the day to day but planning development time is the only way I will make new products.

Day 7 – Community

“Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011? (Author: Cali Harris)”

I’m was so pleased this word was in the list. It was almost going to be my word for the year.

I’ve discovered community online in two major places this year. The first is Michelle Bridges’ 12 Week Body Transformation (12WBT) community. This is a personally inspiring, motivating, encouraging and support group of people, all of whom are working toward a common goal – improve health and fitness. People on this program, myself and my husband (Adonis) included, have achieved amazing results – not only physical but mental too. Some of the members of the community have agreed to share their personal journeys as part of an interview series I’ve got planned for 2011.

The second community is the Centurions. Working in a solo or micro business is tough and it can feel quite lonely at times. “Centurions are a group of business people and entrepreneurs seeking to take specific, tangible actions to help each other succeed commercially – leveraging the power of technology and Social Media.” I consider this community my business leadership team, mentors and Board all in one. The selfless support of the Centurions has been mind blowing. I’d like to take this opportunity to publicly thank them all, especially Robin Dickinson who conceptualised the idea, made it happen and who is a true leader.

In 2011, I will continue to be part of the Centurions and will also build my own team of satellite Centurions.

Day 8 – Beautifully Different

“Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful. (Author: Karen Walrond)”

This one is quite personal and I feel a little uncomfortable putting this out there but here goes.

Adonis always tell me that everyone’s life I touch, I make better. Wow eh? Now, he is my biggest fan so we need to take that into account! However, I do see that I have a special ability to connect with people, genuinely care about their concerns and help them find a path to a better place. That’s why I do what I do for a living. It sounds cliched these days because it’s as if everyone is doing a job they’re “passionate” about – and perhaps they are – but I honestly enjoy working with people who want to create their best life and are prepared to do the sometimes very hard things to get it.

Well, that brings my reflections and manifestations up to date.

The author for Day 9 is Shauna Reid who I’ve been following since reading her book “Amazing Adventures of Dietgirl”. I’m looking forward to her word. I’m betting it’s going to be something around mindfulness.

It’s an interesting exercise to reflect and manifest and this is a unique way to do it. I hope you’ve enjoyed learning a little more about what happened for me in 2010 and my hopes for 2011 and in the process have done some reflecting and manifesting of your own.

If you’re willing to share, please either post your reflections and manifestations in the comments below or post a link to wherever you’re recording yours.

I thought I’d add my own prompt to the list for your consideration:

Today – SUCCESS
If you knew right now that you’d be successful, what’s the one thing you’d do in 2011? (Author: Suellen Hughes)

‘Tis the Season to be Jolly…So What’s With The Sad Face?

‘Tis the season to be jolly tra la la la la la la la la…

…Unless, you’ve got a bad case of the Ebenezer Scrooges.

Not feeling much like singing along to joyful carols and playing happy families? Does the mere thought of gift shopping make you run for the bed covers? Then the lessons we learned from Scrooge might help you feel happier this festive season.

Lesson 1 – People need to feel connected

Ebenezer Scrooge was an angry, lonely old man who rejected connection with others.

Feeling isolated and alone makes you feel angry and can make it hard to care about others. Christmas is a lonely time for some people. Finding ways to connect and feel part of a community is important to our happiness. Iggy Pintado, author Connection Generation, shared some interesting facts about Social Media on the Grassroots Websites Rock Festival

• 70% of Australians visited a social network in the last month
• Over 200 million people worldwide (9.2 million Australians) are on Facebook
• Over 65 million people (1.5 million Australians) are on LinkedIn
• Over 30 million people (1.5 million Australians) are on Twitter
• Over half of these people are aged over 35

Now, not all of these millions of people are on these social platforms just for connection but I’d guess that a fair share of them feel part of a wider community.

Maybe social media is not for you, but finding ways to connect and feel part of a community will make you feel happier.

For Ebenezer, spending Christmas Day with his nephew’s family, helped him feel connected and loved.

Lesson 2 – Helping other people makes us feel better

Ebenezer was a greedy, stingy businessman who refused to donate to charity and who overworked and underpaid his staff.

Not only does helping people make us feel better, even watching others helping people makes us feel better. The recent TV show on ABC1 “Making Australia Happy” demonstrated this when the study participants volunteered in a “soup kitchen”. After volunteering, saliva was taken and tested for antibodies that boost immunity. There was a 36% increase in the participant’s Immunoglobulin A levels. So not only does helping others make us feel better, it actually makes us healthier!

When I lived in London, the best Christmas I had was the year we plated up our leftovers and took them out to give to the homeless people sheltering from the freezing cold. It definitely made me feel happy and it made them feel happier too. 😀

When Ebenezer awoke after seeing his bleak future and anonymously sent a large turkey to his clerk’s family, I bet his anitobdies were right up there, as well as his feelings of happiness!

Lesson 3 – Gratitude is good

Ebenezer refuses to accept an invitation from his nephew to join him and his family for Christmas Dinner yet the nephew still raises a toast of gratitude to Ebenezer and refuses to allow him to spoil his day.

When we’re feeling unhappy, it can be very difficult to find things that we are grateful for. As I’m writing this post today, it is raining and miserable outside, yet @DivineMissWhite who I follow on Twitter just tweeted: “I love, love, LOVE wearing fire engine red on wet grey days like today. I’m so #grateful for my life. Kisses to my Creator XXX”

A long-term scientific study is being carried out by the University of California Davis into the nature or gratitude and the potential consequences for human health and well-being. A simple thing like a letter of gratitude has been found to increase happiness and decrease symptoms of depression.

When Ebenezer visits his past and remembers his old boss throwing a party and inviting Ebenezer to join in, he feels gratitude toward him and shame on himself for not treating his own employees better.

In case you’ve never seen Charles Dickens classic “A Christmas Carol” or one of the many remakes, here’s a link to the Richard Williams 1971 animation (25 mins).

Now it’s your turn:

• Do you feel connected to a community? Does Social Media give you a sense of connectedness?
• Do you do volunteer work? Does volunteering make you feel happy?
• Have you ever written a gratitude letter or something similar? What are you grateful for?