A Run of Reflection

We’ve all seen and continue to see the terrible devastation that the people of Japan face as a result of the recent natural disasters and the resulting knock-on effects. This post is inspired by all that is happening in Japan.

Regular readers know that I’m a runner, and today, I did a Run for Japan which is “bringing together the global running community and showing solidarity and support through dedicating runs around the World to the people of Japan.” Run for Japan is a fundraiser with the goal to cover 24,901 miles (right around the world) in 28 days with at least one run dedicated from every country in the World. Each runner is asked to make a donation of at least one unit of their home currency per mile.

Today I headed out for my Run for Japan and as always, was focused on where I would run, how far, what sort of time I’d do it in – all the usual things.

But halfway through the run, something strange happened.

I reached the Botanic Gardens and noticed a structure I’d never seen before – perhaps because I’m usually too focused on the run itself, or perhaps it’s new – I honestly don’t know.

I stopped and took it all in.

I continued on my way but instead of running and focusing on making up for the lost time, I walked through the gardens and actually saw the gardens, the trees, the sculptures, the volunteers working and the wide array of animals. It was beautiful and despite running through these gardens many, many times, I believe today was the first day I truly appreciated them for more than a traffic free running path.

My mind is always buzzing with thoughts and ideas when I run (a pain control mechanism I think!) but today, I felt peaceful and reflective. As I looked and saw, I thought about the life lessons and metaphors I was experiencing and I made the short collage below to share with you.

The biggest lesson for me today, was this:

There are big rewards for taking time out to stop and reflect instead of just racing to the finish line.

We need to appreciate what we’ve got and not just what we want. Enjoy it today. Tomorrow it may be gone.

If you are able to make a donation to support Japan, please do. Here’s a link to the Australian Red Cross site.

Please like or share this post to help the people of Japan. Leave a comment too if you’re moved to do so.

I wish I had the guts to…

People often say to me “I wish I had the guts to do what you do.” OK, most don’t say exactly that but that’s the sentiment.

Sometimes they’re talking about me running my own business, sometimes they’re referring to me running a marathon, sometimes it’s about me telling it like it is 😉

Although I hear it a lot, I’m still surprised when people say it to me. You see, I don’t think what I do is anything extraordinary. I think everything that I do, other people can do and do it better! I don’t think I’m anything special. But I am. You see, I don’t wish it, I make it happen.

Is wishing just an opportunity to moan about what’s missing from your life instead of taking action to change it? I’m not saying that everything you wish for you can have, but what if you decided to stop wishing and start getting? What would you have to do differently? How much do you honestly want it and do you have the guts to get it?

Here is a 5 step plan to building guts.

1. Step 1 – Get Over Your Fear

   There is usually good reason. You’ve had other priorities, you’ve been too busy, you can’t afford it or perhaps you’ve tried but failed. Thinking about why you don’t already have what you wish for, will help you work out what’s been holding you back. In my experience, fear is the single thing that stops us taking action to get what we want. Everything else is an excuse (often valid) but fear is really at the core of it.

   I’ve been reading Tim Ferriss’ “The 4-hour Work Week” (now on my iPad!), and he suggests an activity that I think is great for getting to the bottom of fear.

   What you do is, imagine the absolute worst thing that could happen if you pursued your wish. Would it cause permanent damage? What steps would you take to get things back on track? Chances are you could turn things around right?

   Now imagine the more probable scenario – what is more likely to happen? I bet it’s likely that you could produce a moderate outcome rather than the worst case scenario.

   Finally, think about what it’s costing you not to pursue your dream? How will you feel in another 10 years if you don’t take action?

2. Step 2 – Get Uncomfortable

   OK, this is where you need to get straight with yourself. It’s fine to wish for something that is within your means but if your wish is well beyond your means (resources, capability, control etc.) then your wish is a pipedream and you should see it as that and move on.

   There’s a difference between something being beyond your means and beyond your comfort zone. Having the guts to take action, usually means getting uncomfortable. Believe me, running a marathon is not comfortable! Running a business means learning new skills and feeling uncomfortable at times.

   Just do it anyway. Have guts, get uncomfortable.

3. Step 3 – Work Out What it Will Take

   I’m not talking here about winning the lottery 😉 What I am saying, is work through the steps required to achieve your wish.

   Let’s take an example – I wish I didn’t have to travel for work and be away from home all week.

   What actions could you take? What options do you have? Are you working with facts or feelings? How long will it take?

   Taking the time to work through what’s required, helps you see a clear path for what action you need to take. If you don’t take this step, then you really don’t know whether it’s achievable. You’ll don’t know how much guts you need until you know what needs to be done.

4. Step 4 – Pay the Price

   As the saying goes “be careful what you wish for”. Once you’ve worked out what it will take to get your wish, ask yourself two questions.

   First – Am I willing to do what it takes to get this?
   Second – When I get it, what will it be like?

   Using the same example as we did in step 3, if you look at what needs to be done and the mere thought of it is overwhelming, then the chance of you doing something about it are slim to none. The price you’d have to pay for your wish is too high.

   Thinking then about the second question; if you did change jobs or started a business that gave you the flexibility to be home more, then what? Would you be wishing you had some time to yourself? If you are home more, will there be an expectation on you to do more around the house? Will you lose your frequent flyer miles and have to pay for flights and holidays in future?

   Everything comes with a price – if you say you want it , make sure you mean it!

5. Step 5 – Take Action

   Or, JFDI! Stop making excuses, stop moaning to others, stop thinking, wishing, dreaming. Instead start doing. If you get to this step, then you know why you haven’t already got what you want, you know it is possible for you to have it, you know what it will take to get it and you are prepared to pay the price. So now, take action.

   It sounds simple enough but this is where a lot of people come unstuck.

   They just can’t seem to make things happen.

   I work with clients who have most of the answers in their heads, some even have them written down in detailed plans, yet they don’t take action. Why?

   For some it’s fear of failure.

   Some are good thinkers and planners but not implementers.

   For others it’s procrastination – they can’t decide where to start or whether they’re doing the right thing or when’s the best time.

   There are good reasons for not taking action and if you find yourself stuck, then at least have the guts to get some assistance.

There it is. A five step plan to building guts.

I’m not trying to be trivial or to suggest that it’s easy to get what you want. What I am attempting to do is to inspire you to do something about your wishes so that they don’t just stay wishes.

Are you fed up with the daily grind and wish you had the guts to start a business? My new program “Gutsy Business – From Daily Grind to Lifestyle Freedom” will be run for the first time ever in May 2011. To make sure you don’t miss out on the early bird offer, sign up for the fortnightly Kick Start Newsletter so that you are the first to find out how to register. Transforme members will have priority access.”

What do you wish you had the guts to do?
Have you made a gutsy change? How did that work out for you?
Have you ever had to face your worst case scenario? What happened?

As always, I’d love to hear your views. Have you got the guts to comment? 😉
Oh, while you’re here, check out my new home and about page and if you like it, please “like” it. If you think someone else should read it then please “share” it.

Are You Up To The Challenge?

This week I launched a 4 Week Kick Start (4WKS) Challenge as part of a weekly radio segment I do with Niki Springett on Northside Broadcasting 99.3FM.

The idea of the challenge is to inspire the listeners of the show to stop wishing, thinking, planning, resolving and to start taking action to make change happen. If you’re sick of breaking commitments to yourself (and others around you) then you might like to join the challenge too.

Each week, for 4 weeks, I’ll share an activity that you can do to kick start change. This will require you to do some thinking and if you’re keen, spend some time each week completing a task.

Each task is designed to move you toward a better life by giving you self-insight and personal growth in areas that are currently holding you back. The activities are practical and not all “woo woo, fluffy, daily affirmation” things (not that there’s anything wrong with that, it’s just not my style).

The topic for Week 1 is “Stop Putting Up With and Start Getting What You Want”.

The reason for starting with this topic is because all of us put up with stuff. It’s usually a combination of small stuff and big stuff. Here’s some examples directly from my clients:

• Putting myself last
• Not having faith in myself
• Not finishing things due to fear of failure
• Putting off paying the credit card to enjoy life now
• Not keeping up with emails
• An untidy house
• A broken photocopier

The thing is, over time these items build up and bring us down and we either explode about something apparently trivial or we end up feeling frustrated, angry or disappointed with ourselves and others.

So, the first activity in the Challenge is to make a list of all of the things you are putting up with. These are called Tolerations.

Part 1 – Make a List

Take a piece of paper and just start making a list all of the things that you are putting up with. Start writing things down – no matter how trivial they seem. Add to your list as more things come up for you. Keep your worksheet close by your bedside as you try to fall asleep at night because that’s often when we stew about the things that are annoying us.

Part 2 – Take Action

Decide which items on your list you will no longer tolerate. For each one think about the changes you will make. That might include asking others to do things for you, letting go of duties or responsibilities, getting qualified or skilled or just deciding to do something that you want to do with no regard for what others may think.

A True Story

What I want to share with you in this post is a true story of how putting up with things stops us from getting what we want.

A client, I’ll call her Jenny, came to me for coaching because she was very unhappy in her job. She was in a senior role in a large organisation and had a very successful career. She earned very good money. Her husband also had a senior role and they worked long hours but managed to build in time for each other and their two school-aged children. They went on good holidays together, had a lovely house in an exclusive suburb and a good social network. All sounds pretty good right? Wrong.

As I coached Jenny over a few sessions, she told me that she’d never really loved her job but was a high-achiever who applied herself and didn’t like to fail. As a result, she’d been promoted and head-hunted to bigger and better roles. It all kind of happened around her and she went with it. Her problem was that she was now dependent on the money to fund her lifestyle, defined herself by her career, felt that her husband liked that she had such a good job and she felt trapped.

No one knew that Jenny felt this way because she kept it all to herself and kept up the facade of a being a successful career woman, wife and mother. As she spoke to me about how she was feeling, she was very emotional. She had been putting up with doing a job she just didn’t like, the expectations of others, her own needs and desires going unmet and inside and was feeling desperately unhappy. When I asked her why she put up with feeling this way and not doing something about it, she said she didn’t want to disappoint anyone. She also felt that she would be a failure if she admitted to feeling like this.

Jenny had made the decision to tolerate being unhappy to apparently please other people and to feed her own self-perception.

Jenny eventually spoke to her husband about how she was feeling, worked out what she wanted to do and a plan for making that happen in a way that she was comfortable with and that didn’t destroy all of the good things she had going. She is still a successful career woman, wife and mother but now she’s also happy.

The reason I wanted to share a real experience is to show you how much and for how long we put up with things and what an impact it has on us.

By taking stock of the things we are tolerating and then taking action to put changes in place to eliminate or reduce these tolerations, we can start to live a better life.

So, if Jenny’s story resonated with you or got you thinking about the things you’re putting up with, then why not join the 4 Week Kick Start Challenge? More details are available on my website.

If you enjoyed this post and think others would benefit from reading it, please use the buttons below to share it.

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Have you stopped putting up with something that you weren’t happy about?
Do you have a story to share about tolerations?
Are you up for the 4 Week Challenge?

Are you one of the 80%?

…who will fail to meet their New Year’s Resolutions?

We’re already into the 3rd week of the year! What progress have you made with your New Year’s Resolutions?

If you’re like 80% of people who make New Year’s Resolutions, chances are, you’ll have made zero progress and that’s the way it will stay for the rest of the year!

Some of the most popular New Year’s Resolutions are:

1. Lose weight
2. Pay off credit cards / debt
3. Run a marathon
4. Read more
5. Learn a language
6. Get organized
7. Quit smoking

There are also some new ones feeding in to the popular lists:

1. Spend less time on Facebook / Twitter
2. Clean out my inbox
3. Go Green
4. Find my passion/ purpose in life

We make New Year’s Resolutions with the best intentions (and sometimes a few too many glasses of New Year Cheer under our belts!) but for many of us that’s as far as we get.

So how do you become one of the 20% to succeed instead of one of the 80% who fail to change?

Here’s five practical tips:

1. Work out whether it’s worth the cost

The first thing to do is decide how much you really want it. Usually New Year’s Resolutions require you to make changes in your lifestyle, whether that’s eating less, exercising more, spending less, giving up the 2nd car etc. These changes have a downside cost attached. Spending less might mean going without that new designer handbag, exercising more might mean getting out of bed 45 minutes earlier, selling the 2nd car might mean learning how public transport works.

If you are serious about making change and achieving your goals then you need to make it a priority. That means deciding that you really want it and that you’re prepared to pay the price. The cost might be financial, time, a cost to your family. If the cost is too high then you just won’t do it. That’s ok too. Just face that fact and stop kidding yourself. As Einstein said “insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” if you want change, you need to do something different.

2. Get specific and make sure it’s achievable

The more specific your goals, the more chance you’ll have of achieving them. Instead of saying “I will lose weight”, a more specific goal would be “I will lose 1/2kg per week until I reach my goal weight of x”. To make it even more specific, focus on the areas you can control for example, “I will exercise for 45 minutes, 5 days per week, only drink alcohol on weekends and follow a healthy eating plan until I reach my goal”.

It’s also important to make sure that your goal is attainable. If you set yourself a goal that is unrealistic, then you will almost certainly fail to achieve it. In fact you’ll probably give up at the first hurdle. Using the weight loss goal, if you said “I’m going to lose 2kgs per week, then the first week you lose less than this (which for most people will be the first week!), then you’ll become disheartened.

3. Start with the end in mind

What I mean by this is, try to imagine what it will be like to achieve your resolution. How will you feel, what will be different, what might others say to you. Some people go as far as creating some kind of vision board but simply spending a few minutes thinking about why you’ve decided on your resolution and what achieving it will mean to you, can be just as powerful.

I prefer the carrot over the stick approach myself, but it can be powerful to imagine the negative consequences. How will you feel at the end of the year when nothing has changed and your resolutions have failed….

4. Get Support

You don’t need to go it alone. Enlist the help of others to keep you on track and keep you accountable. That might be a friend, family member or colleague or it might be a professional like a coach, doctor or trainer. The most successful people in the world have a support team around them so get yours in place.

A study in the UK of 2000 people by Prof. Richard Wiseman, author of 59 Seconds: Think A Little, Change A Lot, showed that people who told friends and family about their resolutions had a 34% success rate, compared to only 25% of those who kept it to themselves.

There are people who know more about it than you so why not take advantage of their knowledge. In these days of social networking, your support team doesn’t even need to be someone you meet face-to-face. Enrol in an online course, join a community, find a forum. For lots of people, even meeting a partner is done online today.

5. Stop Procrastinating!

Take action. We’re already into the 3rd week of the year so you should have made some progress already. Don’t wait until next Monday to start, get going today! If you don’t know where or how to start, ask for help. Just DO something – some progress is better than no progress.

So, don’t be an 80%er. Put these five tips in place and join the elite 20% who fulfill their New Year’s Resolutions.

Welcome (back) to Transformeblogs 2011. If you liked this post, please share it with others by clicking on one of the links below.

Did you set New Year’s Resolutions? If so, what kind of thing? If not, why not?
Have you made any progress with your Resolutions? What have you done? What’s stopping you?
What are your top tips for making sure New Year’s Resolutions are realised?

Lies, Lies and Santa Claus

My 6.5 year old came home from school yesterday and told me that he had something important to tell me. He was very upset, crying and obviously something was worrying him. He told me that he’d been deceitful (his word, not mine!) and needed to tell the truth.

Now, as a mother, at this point a few things were going through my mind. First, I didn’t like seeing him upset and wanted to reassure him that he could talk to me about whatever it was and that we’d sort it out. Second, I was concerned about what it was he’d done that had him so worried. I know, he’s only 6.5yrs old so it couldn’t be anything too bad right? Still, my mind was racing.

After I gave him a cuddle and sat him on my lap, something he won’t do that much longer 😦 he told me what was bothering him.

A Child’s Secret

Back in Term 1, I received a call from the school saying that my little boy was up in the office following a fall. Any of you who are parents will know, that when that call comes from the school, your heart races. They assured me he was fine but upset and had a cut on his chin and wanted me to see it so I could decide whether I wanted him to see a doctor. Apart from a bit of blood, lots of tears and ruined school shirt, he was fine.

At the time of the injury, he told his teacher and us, that he’d tripped and fallen on that spongy covering they often use around play equipment. When he first did it, he didn’t tell the teacher on playground duty nor his own teacher. He went with a friend to the bathrooms and tried to clean it up himself. It was only when he saw all the blood that he freaked out and told the teacher.

So, what’s that got to do with the current upset?

Well, it turns out that he didn’t trip and fall but had injured his chin while messing around on climbing equipment that he wasn’t supposed to be on at the time. No big deal right? Wrong. With Christmas so close and all the talk of Santa’s naughty and nice lists, this small lie has played on his mind. He had carried this lie around for the whole year and was sure that Santa knew it and had put him on the naughty list and he would not be getting any presents. A big motivation for telling the truth it turns out! He decided he needed to tell the truth not only to us but also to his teacher. Bless him.

A Man’s Pretense

In a related tale, which also crossed my path yesterday, another mother had herself just been through a bit of an ordeal. Her husband is a successful Chief Financial Officer (CFO) and had recently been offered a new job which required him and his family to relocate. They had rented out their family home, found a new place to live, enrolled children in the new school for 2011 and were in the final stages of moving; when….her husband told her he hated being a CFO and didn’t want to take the job because he couldn’t face uprooting his wife and children and moving for a job he didn’t really want!

Luckily, they were able to reverse all the plans without too much upset and are now staying put. The husband is at a crossroads and wants to look at his career options so that he can stop the pretense and start living a life he enjoys.

Lessons For Us

My reason for blogging about these stories, is to share the lessons they offer for us.

1. Lying Catches Up With You. We all lie. I read a blog post yesterday that proclaimed that “the average person lies three times in a typical ten-minute conversation”. We don’t like to admit it but we do. Some more than others. The point is, lying catches up with us eventually. My mother always used to tell me “you need to have a good memory to be a liar.” She was right.
2. Living Under False Pretenses Makes You Miserable. Sure, we can pretend for a long time. We can even pretend to ourselves. But why bother? We are in control of our own destiny so why waste our life pretending we’re enjoying doing something we loathe. Stop the pretense and start living the truth.
3. It Takes Courage to Confess. Sometimes we live with a lie or under false pretense for a long time and suffer a lot of inner anguish before finally taking the brave step of telling the truth. It takes a lot of courage to tell the truth, particularly when our lies and pretenses impact others you care about.
4. Fessing Up is Rarely as Bad as You Imagine. On the whole, probably because we all lie, we are generally forgiving of others’ lies. How we imagine others will react and the potential consequences for our actions are often a lot worse than the reality. We are often tougher on ourselves than others are on us.
5. It Will Be A Weight Off Your Shoulders. Even if those are small 6.5yr old shoulders. Carrying a lie or living under false pretense is a heavy burden to bear. Telling the truth, although difficult will be worth it. You will feel a lot better about yourself.

   As the year comes to a close, it’s often a time of reflection. Perhaps this year, you might want to reflect on the lies and pretenses that are bearing down on you. As you read this blog, did you feel uncomfortable? If so, are you ready to face up to it so that you can start 2011 with a clear conscience? If a 6.5yr old can do it, I’m sure you can too 🙂

   Wishing you all the gift of inner peace.

   As always, I’d love to hear your views, particularly about:

   When it is OK to lie? E.g. Lying about Santa!
   Under what circumstances it might be better to live with a lie than tell the truth? E.g. Hurting someone else to make yourself feel better?

   If you’re too busy to comment, please Tweet, Like or Share – thank you 😀

Reflect on 2010 and Manifest 2011

Reverb 10 is an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next. It actually started on 1 Dec and runs for the whole month but I only just stumbled upon it today as I was doing my weekly search for Blog Finds and Websites of the Week – a regular feature in my weekly newsletter.

What it’s all about
It’s a simple idea. Each day of December, Reverb 10 and their contributing authors, post a word (or two) and a prompt. You then reflect on that prompt, write a post, keep a journal, whatever..and that’s it. You can sign-up to participate officially or just give it a go yourself.

Dec 1 – Dec 8
I’m joining the fun a little late so in this post, I’m going to share days 1-8 with you from both a personal and professional perspective. So, here goes!

December 1 – One Word

“Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? (Author: Gwen Bell)”

My one word for 2010 is BEGINNINGS. My son started school. I started running seriously, completing my first marathon. I refreshed and relaunched my business and I started blogging.

My word to capture what I hope for 2011 is GROWTH.

December 2 – Writing

“What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it? (Author: Leo Babauta)”

I don’t write each day so this one doesn’t work for me – sorry Leo

December 3 – Moment

“Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). (Author: Ali Edwards)”

This has to be Sunday September 18. The day I ran the marathon. I won’t describe it in detail here as I blogged about my whole journey and made a vblog on the day.

December 4 – Wonder

“How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? (Author: Jeffrey Davis)”

I have to say, just being a parent to a school age child cultivates a sense of wonder. Watching him learn new things, discover how the world works and seeing him develop is a great experience.

I’m also lucky enough to be able to create a sense of wonder with my clients. There is nothing more rewarding than working with someone who has an “aha” moment.

December 5 – Let Go

“What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)”

I let go of my original vision of Transforme. I started the business back in 2007 with a partner and it was our joint vision but once I took sole responsibility, I realised I needed to take Transforme in a slightly different direction to enable me to meet the needs of my clients. As it turns out, it was good to let go and move on.

December 6 – Make

“What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it? (Author: Gretchen Rubin)”

The last thing I made was a Lego creation for my son! I’m not artistic or crafty so I don’t tend to make things. I do like to cook and I make dinner quite often but I don’t think that’s what Gretchen had in mind when she set this prompt.

So, aside from these things, I consider the last thing I made to be my online Life Change Program. I used my creative intellect, life experience, snazzy software and my time to create what I believe to be a solid program for anyone wanting to make important life changes. [How’s that for a blatant plug!]

I want to make more products in 2011 so need to clear the time to do that. It’s easy to get caught up in the day to day but planning development time is the only way I will make new products.

Day 7 – Community

“Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011? (Author: Cali Harris)”

I’m was so pleased this word was in the list. It was almost going to be my word for the year.

I’ve discovered community online in two major places this year. The first is Michelle Bridges’ 12 Week Body Transformation (12WBT) community. This is a personally inspiring, motivating, encouraging and support group of people, all of whom are working toward a common goal – improve health and fitness. People on this program, myself and my husband (Adonis) included, have achieved amazing results – not only physical but mental too. Some of the members of the community have agreed to share their personal journeys as part of an interview series I’ve got planned for 2011.

The second community is the Centurions. Working in a solo or micro business is tough and it can feel quite lonely at times. “Centurions are a group of business people and entrepreneurs seeking to take specific, tangible actions to help each other succeed commercially – leveraging the power of technology and Social Media.” I consider this community my business leadership team, mentors and Board all in one. The selfless support of the Centurions has been mind blowing. I’d like to take this opportunity to publicly thank them all, especially Robin Dickinson who conceptualised the idea, made it happen and who is a true leader.

In 2011, I will continue to be part of the Centurions and will also build my own team of satellite Centurions.

Day 8 – Beautifully Different

“Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful. (Author: Karen Walrond)”

This one is quite personal and I feel a little uncomfortable putting this out there but here goes.

Adonis always tell me that everyone’s life I touch, I make better. Wow eh? Now, he is my biggest fan so we need to take that into account! However, I do see that I have a special ability to connect with people, genuinely care about their concerns and help them find a path to a better place. That’s why I do what I do for a living. It sounds cliched these days because it’s as if everyone is doing a job they’re “passionate” about – and perhaps they are – but I honestly enjoy working with people who want to create their best life and are prepared to do the sometimes very hard things to get it.

Well, that brings my reflections and manifestations up to date.

The author for Day 9 is Shauna Reid who I’ve been following since reading her book “Amazing Adventures of Dietgirl”. I’m looking forward to her word. I’m betting it’s going to be something around mindfulness.

It’s an interesting exercise to reflect and manifest and this is a unique way to do it. I hope you’ve enjoyed learning a little more about what happened for me in 2010 and my hopes for 2011 and in the process have done some reflecting and manifesting of your own.

If you’re willing to share, please either post your reflections and manifestations in the comments below or post a link to wherever you’re recording yours.

I thought I’d add my own prompt to the list for your consideration:

Today – SUCCESS
If you knew right now that you’d be successful, what’s the one thing you’d do in 2011? (Author: Suellen Hughes)

‘Tis the Season to be Jolly…So What’s With The Sad Face?

‘Tis the season to be jolly tra la la la la la la la la…

…Unless, you’ve got a bad case of the Ebenezer Scrooges.

Not feeling much like singing along to joyful carols and playing happy families? Does the mere thought of gift shopping make you run for the bed covers? Then the lessons we learned from Scrooge might help you feel happier this festive season.

Lesson 1 – People need to feel connected

Ebenezer Scrooge was an angry, lonely old man who rejected connection with others.

Feeling isolated and alone makes you feel angry and can make it hard to care about others. Christmas is a lonely time for some people. Finding ways to connect and feel part of a community is important to our happiness. Iggy Pintado, author Connection Generation, shared some interesting facts about Social Media on the Grassroots Websites Rock Festival

• 70% of Australians visited a social network in the last month
• Over 200 million people worldwide (9.2 million Australians) are on Facebook
• Over 65 million people (1.5 million Australians) are on LinkedIn
• Over 30 million people (1.5 million Australians) are on Twitter
• Over half of these people are aged over 35

Now, not all of these millions of people are on these social platforms just for connection but I’d guess that a fair share of them feel part of a wider community.

Maybe social media is not for you, but finding ways to connect and feel part of a community will make you feel happier.

For Ebenezer, spending Christmas Day with his nephew’s family, helped him feel connected and loved.

Lesson 2 – Helping other people makes us feel better

Ebenezer was a greedy, stingy businessman who refused to donate to charity and who overworked and underpaid his staff.

Not only does helping people make us feel better, even watching others helping people makes us feel better. The recent TV show on ABC1 “Making Australia Happy” demonstrated this when the study participants volunteered in a “soup kitchen”. After volunteering, saliva was taken and tested for antibodies that boost immunity. There was a 36% increase in the participant’s Immunoglobulin A levels. So not only does helping others make us feel better, it actually makes us healthier!

When I lived in London, the best Christmas I had was the year we plated up our leftovers and took them out to give to the homeless people sheltering from the freezing cold. It definitely made me feel happy and it made them feel happier too. 😀

When Ebenezer awoke after seeing his bleak future and anonymously sent a large turkey to his clerk’s family, I bet his anitobdies were right up there, as well as his feelings of happiness!

Lesson 3 – Gratitude is good

Ebenezer refuses to accept an invitation from his nephew to join him and his family for Christmas Dinner yet the nephew still raises a toast of gratitude to Ebenezer and refuses to allow him to spoil his day.

When we’re feeling unhappy, it can be very difficult to find things that we are grateful for. As I’m writing this post today, it is raining and miserable outside, yet @DivineMissWhite who I follow on Twitter just tweeted: “I love, love, LOVE wearing fire engine red on wet grey days like today. I’m so #grateful for my life. Kisses to my Creator XXX”

A long-term scientific study is being carried out by the University of California Davis into the nature or gratitude and the potential consequences for human health and well-being. A simple thing like a letter of gratitude has been found to increase happiness and decrease symptoms of depression.

When Ebenezer visits his past and remembers his old boss throwing a party and inviting Ebenezer to join in, he feels gratitude toward him and shame on himself for not treating his own employees better.

In case you’ve never seen Charles Dickens classic “A Christmas Carol” or one of the many remakes, here’s a link to the Richard Williams 1971 animation (25 mins).

Now it’s your turn:

• Do you feel connected to a community? Does Social Media give you a sense of connectedness?
• Do you do volunteer work? Does volunteering make you feel happy?
• Have you ever written a gratitude letter or something similar? What are you grateful for?

How to bounce back from a setback

“I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I’ve bought a big bat. I’m all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!” Dr. Seuss

I love this quote from the wonderful Dr. Seuss and it has inspired this week’s post all about resilience, or how to bounce back from a setback.

Resilience, sometimes called emotional resilience, is a subject that has kept psychologists busy for years so in this post, my aim is simply to kick start your thinking and offer some practical tips for building resilience.

So what is resilience? As always, I turn to the oracle – Wikipedia – for the answer “Resilience in psychology is the positive capacity of people to cope with stress and adversity.”

I think of it as how you bounce back when things go wrong or how well you handle the difficult times. In the article “How Resilience Works.” Diane L. Coutu. Harvard Business Review, May, 2002, the author states “A person’s resilience determines who succeeds and who fails.”

How resilient are you? Are you going to succeed or fail? Here’s a few questions to get you thinking.

1. How well do you handle rejection?
2. How well do you cope with unexpected change?
3. How good are you at solving the problems life throws at you?
4. How do you react when something goes wrong?
5. Do you have a strong support network?
6. What do you do when faced with a major challenge?
7. Do you believe in yourself?

People with low resilience tend to be easily put off, they are often stressed, they give up on goals or when things get tough and they put up with things rather than standing up for themselves. In the extreme, they end up depressed and feeling powerless. They lose their bounce.

The good news is, resilience can be developed. Ideally, this should start in childhood. There is a lot of great information on the happychild website about this. In one of the articles I read there it quotes Andrew Fuller, psychologist and author of Tricky Kids (Finch Publishing), as defining resilience as “the happy knack of being able to bungee jump through the pitfalls of life.” Wouldn’t it be great to teach your children those skills! I also found an online development game for building resilience in children and young people. It’s called The Resilience Doughnut game.

Even if you’ve reached a ripe old age, you can still learn to be more resilient. Here’s a few ideas:

1. Remind yourself of your strengths

Often when things aren’t going well, we focus on the negatives and get a bit down on ourselves. That nagging negative little voice kicks in and starts to say things like “I’m so useless, Why can’t I do anything right? Nothing ever works out for me.” These thoughts are not useful so you need to stop them in their tracks. Tell the voice to shut up. Instead, reflect on your strengths, achievements and all of the things you have done well. Think about the skills you have and how you used these skills to make it through other tough times. Be positive.

2. Set yourself some goals

Goals are not just for the good times. When we’re faced with a challenge, setting short term goals can help move things along. The goal doesn’t have to be a Jim Collins BHAG (Big.Hairy.Audacious.Goal) just a small, attainable goal. For example, if you are completely overwhelmed with everything you need to get done, set yourself the goal to get the most important thing done. When that’s done, move onto the next.

3. Get organised and take action

If you think about how emergency teams work in a crisis situation, they are very organised. Everything is in it’s place so that when needed, it can be found. Everyone knows what’s expected of them and they get on with their job. Emergency workers don’t sit around thinking about how to deal with the crisis, they get on and deal with it. They take action, fast. Just taking action puts you back in control and keeps you moving forward. It also helps when you’re lacking motivation. Taking action can be motivating.

4. Rely on your family

Regardless of how strained relationships may be with your family, a crisis often draws people back together. Don’t hold grudges and try to manage through by yourself. Call on family for support and help. It’s better to swallow your pride and concede the argument than to allow stubbornness to stop you getting the support you need. Many people are pleasantly surprised by how their families rally together to help them out during tough times. Be humble and ask for help. Family connectedness is important.

5. Be open to new ideas and possibilities

It can be hard to see the positives and the possible solutions to problems when we are in the middle of a challenging situation. We can see all the reasons something won’t work but we need to be open to new ideas. Don’t knock down others’ suggestions, instead try to find ways to make them work. Look for opportunities in situations. Be resourceful.

6. Do some exercise

Now this one can be difficult, especially when you feel overwrought, overcommitted, stressed or depressed. Yet, every study I’ve ever seen espouses the benefit of exercise to help overcome these feelings. It’s not just about taking time out to clear the head, the endorphins produced actually give you a feeling of well-being – endogenous morphine = endorphin = the natural drug. Also, I read somewhere, but can’t remember where, that people who regularly exercise and push themselves physically, tend to have a higher survival rate in major catastrophes. It makes sense to me – if you’re fit, healthy and used to pushing yourself through physical pain, then these strengths will all kick in when you need them most. Of course, if you can’t face exercise, then sex might be the answer as it also produces the release of endorphins. 😉 Ever wondered why those stressed out celebrities are having so much sex?

7. Let go and move on

Stewing over problems doesn’t make them any better. Worrying about mistakes, wishing things could be different, cursing yourself for missing something – all that just does your head in. Instead, think about what you learned and what you’ll do differently next time but then it’s best just to let go and move on.

There you have it. My practical tips to get you bouncing like Tigger (if you don’t know how Tigger bounces, then watch the video!)

And in the words of those One Hit Wonders the Chumbwamba’s Tubthumping Song

Until next week, keep bouncing back up 🙂
________________________________

How can you tell if someone is resilient?
Do you agree that a person’s resilience determines who succeeds and who fails?
How do you bounce back from a setback?
Do you have an inspiring story about resilience to share?

Your Burning Career Questions Answered

This week, I hosted a webinar “Kick Start Your Successful Career” during which I interviewed Career Coach Faye Hollands, from Outshine Consulting. As part of the registration process, I asked participants “What’s your burning career question you’d like answered.”

During the webinar Faye shared not only the 5 big career mistakes people make but also her 5 keys to career success. There was so much information to get through in the hour, that we didn’t have time to answer the burning career questions so I’d thought I’d tackle some of them here instead.

Some of them are REALLY big questions and worthy of a post all of their own so in this post, I’ve just attempted to provide a brief response to kick off some discussion. Thanks to Faye for also contributing her views which I’ve incorporated into the answers.

Q: How do I build a new career whilst not losing current income?

A: Faye makes the point that “In most cases you will experience some drop in income if you are changing careers entirely – what’s more important is to assess the COST to you of not changing career and staying in a job that you don’t like.”

Planning is key here. You need to work out how much money you need to live on – a budget. No matter how much you want to change careers, you need to be realistic about it. If you’ve prepared a budget, then you will know whether or not you can afford to drop income and if so, for how long is it sustainable to do so. You also need to plan your career move. There may be a lot that you can do to prepare for your next career while still in your current job.

If it is viable for you to take a drop in income for a period, then you need to plan how you can redress the shortfall in the shortest time possible. How can you capitalise on your transferrable skills and make sure you have the right mindset and attitude to leapfrog your competitors?

Q: Is the concept of full-time employment now an outmoded idea?

A: Very interesting question. I’d say the answer is no with a strong BUT! According to the latest ABS Labour Force Survey, there are nearly 8 million people in Australia in full-time employment and 3.5 million in part-time employment. According to an ABS study carried out in 2001 (nearly 10 yrs ago!), there has been a growing shift toward part-time employment in the past decades.

The International Labour Organization (ILO) states that “The number and proportion of full-time employees with contracts of indeterminate duration has decreased constantly in developed countries since the mid-1980s. As labour markets have become more flexible, the forms of work have multiplied. Part-time workers and workers with fixed-term contracts (who are the first loops in the flexibility chain), turn into on-call and self-employed workers. International statistics on atypical forms of work do not keep up with this development.”

I am not a statistician nor an employment expert but there does seem to be a shift in employment patterns. I haven’t seen any reports on the number of self-employed, contractors, or people working more than one job but my own gut feel is that these numbers are on the increase. That said, I’m not convinced that the concept of full-time employment is outmoded BUT perhaps full-time employment in one job and certainly for one company will become a thing of the past as more people look at other non-traditional careers.

As I’ve said, these are my personal views and I’d love to hear your views or some facts if you know of any research.

Q: How can I tell what my career passion is?

A: Faye says “Start with working out what your values are – you need to know what truly motivates you at a fundamental level, and then you can start to work out what you’re passionate about. This is all covered in my Career Booster Programs.”

So many people say things like “Oh I’d love to change jobs / start my own business but I just don’t know what I’m passionate about.” Well, if you don’t know what you want, you’re going to have trouble getting it or knowing when you’ve got it! As Faye says, a good starting point is to think about your values. What really matters to you in life? When are you at your best? What’s going on then – who are you with, what’s the environment like, what are you doing? Once you’ve answered these questions, you can then start to explore possible careers or business ideas based around what’s important to you.

Q: How to start a new career after having completed an MBA and having a great profile that hasn’t been successful ?

A: It can be frustrating when you’ve put in a lot of study, time and effort to get good qualifications yet still can’t seem to achieve success. I’d like to make a couple of points here. First, qualifications are good but they aren’t everything. In the same way that a great website or good product isn’t a certainty that business success will follow. Second, sometimes we need to adjust our expectations or ideas of what success looks like! Perhaps our goals were unrealistic to begin with and even with the best qualifications and profile, the chance of achieving the goal was slim.

Faye said “In terms of having a “great profile that hasn’t been successful”, it’s difficult to comment on this without having more information, but one important point to consider is your attitude and the action you’ve taken to accelerate your career to date – these are two factors that see less experienced or educated people soar above others who consider themselves more qualified simply because they are willing to do what it takes to get ahead professionally.”

Q: How do I monetise my soft skills?

A: Faye makes the point that “You can only monetise your soft skills by looking at what the market is paying for the job you are currently doing or want to do. By acquiring new skills that help develop your career you will increase your value in the market place.” There are a lot of people making money on the internet by telling you that you can make money by just being yourself – and they can show you how! There are also a lot of people trying unsuccessfully to make money out of their soft skills (or other skills, know-how, experience).

To monetise (make money from) anything soft or hard, you need to be able to answer these questions first:

1. Who wants it?
2. Are they prepared to pay for it?
3. How much are they prepared to pay?

These questions apply whether you want to make money from your own business or whether you want to earn more money in your current or future role.

Does anyone have an example of soft skill monetisation? (is that even a word??)

Thank you to everyone who contributed questions. If anyone has further questions or would like a more personal response, then please contact me.

Faye has developed a suite of Career Booster programs from online self-study guides through to VIP one-on-one coaching. If you want to kick start your successful career, then I recommend you check them out here. (affiliate link).

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What’s your burning career question?
Have you found your ideal career?
What are your keys to career success?

Wanting it just isn’t enough

This week’s blog has been triggered by a whole bunch of conversations, events, other blog posts and a few of my own ponderings. As the title says, it’s about why wanting it just isn’t enough.

Here’s a few of the trigger events:

I want

• I want to lose weight
• I want to put all those great ideas I just learned into my business
• I want to start my own business
• I want to be with him
• I want to help her
• I want to write a book
• I want to have a baby
• I want to run a marathon one day
• I want to go on holidays
• I want to find a new job
• I want to have a buff body for summer

You’ve probably got many more you could add to the list – some you’ve heard, some of your own.

So, all this wanting got me wondering, why is it that some people want something, then go and make it happen, yet others want something (sometimes very much) yet just can’t seem to get past the wanting and into action mode?

Here are a few of the reasons I’ve uncovered:

1. It’s too scary

   Some of the things we want are big and we know that it will take a big change or a lot of effort to get them and when we start thinking about that, it’s too overwhelming so we stop thinking and just keep wanting.

2. Don’t have the skills

   We just don’t know how to go about getting it. We need skills, knowledge or help from others but maybe don’t even know where to start.

3. Too many other priorities

   Let’s face it, we want a lot! There are many things fighting for our time, our money, our focus and energy.

4. Fear of failure

   This is a big one. If we say we want something, without ever doing anything about it, then we never have to face the possibility that we just can’t have it or that we might not have what it takes to get it.

5. Fear of success

   As the saying goes “be careful what you wish for” or in this case want for. It is possible that we want something but getting it comes at a high cost and we’re not prepared to pay price.

So “I want” to offer some solutions to these and I’m going to! Here are my ideas for when you’re ready to kick start some action….when wanting it just isn’t enough.

1. Eat the elephant one bite at a time
   

   One Bite At A Time?

   I’m sure you’ve heard this saying before. Eating a whole elephant in a single meal would be too much for even the biggest appetite; but by breaking it down into meal size portions, bagging it up for future meals and eating the first meal, you’ll have that elephant eaten in no time. Apologies to the elephant lovers and vegetarians.

2. Ask

   Simple. If you don’t know how, ask someone who does and keep asking and learning until you do know how. If you don’t know who to ask for help, ask someone who to ask! Surrounding yourself with people who can help just makes sense. Yet, so many times I talk to people who are battling away on their own.

   The reason I created Transforme is because I know that people need support to be their best. I also know that finding the right support can be time-consuming and overwhelming. The more information we have access to, the more options there are and the more confusing it can be. Transforme provides people wanting to make important life changes with access to experts in Career, Wellness, Finances, Personal Effectiveness, Personal Development, Relationships and Business. A support team, up-to-date information, resources, tools, coaching and a community. Help and support in one place. Easy.

3. Work out what you really want

   If you want lots of things then you need to prioritise what you want the most. It doesn’t mean you don’t get the other things, it just means you’ll have to wait a bit longer. Try writing down all of your wants then trading one off against the other to test which you want more. Eventually you should have a prioritised list.

4. Get over yourself

   We don’t want to look stupid, we want others to like us, we want to make mistakes. If you want it bad enough then get over these excuses and take the risk – you just might succeed and get what you want and more!

5. Get real

   With yourself. If you want something and it’s important then you’ll find a way. If it just isn’t worth it then let it go and enjoy what you’ve got. Write a list of all that you have already and be thankful for all of that.

If you’ve now decided that wanting it just isn’t enough, then go get it.

I’d love to hear your views.
Is it really this easy? If you want it – go get it?
Can just wanting it be enough?
Is there something you want but even if you put these ideas into place, you still couldn’t have it?

I’ve given you bite size questions. I’m asking you to comment. I really want your view. If I don’t get any comments, I’ll ask again next week. I’ve enjoyed thinking about this topic and writing about it and now I can get onto getting my next want 🙂