How to bounce back from a setback

“I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I’ve bought a big bat. I’m all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!” Dr. Seuss

I love this quote from the wonderful Dr. Seuss and it has inspired this week’s post all about resilience, or how to bounce back from a setback.

Resilience, sometimes called emotional resilience, is a subject that has kept psychologists busy for years so in this post, my aim is simply to kick start your thinking and offer some practical tips for building resilience.

So what is resilience? As always, I turn to the oracle – Wikipedia – for the answer “Resilience in psychology is the positive capacity of people to cope with stress and adversity.”

I think of it as how you bounce back when things go wrong or how well you handle the difficult times. In the article “How Resilience Works.” Diane L. Coutu. Harvard Business Review, May, 2002, the author states “A person’s resilience determines who succeeds and who fails.”

How resilient are you? Are you going to succeed or fail? Here’s a few questions to get you thinking.

1. How well do you handle rejection?
2. How well do you cope with unexpected change?
3. How good are you at solving the problems life throws at you?
4. How do you react when something goes wrong?
5. Do you have a strong support network?
6. What do you do when faced with a major challenge?
7. Do you believe in yourself?

People with low resilience tend to be easily put off, they are often stressed, they give up on goals or when things get tough and they put up with things rather than standing up for themselves. In the extreme, they end up depressed and feeling powerless. They lose their bounce.

The good news is, resilience can be developed. Ideally, this should start in childhood. There is a lot of great information on the happychild website about this. In one of the articles I read there it quotes Andrew Fuller, psychologist and author of Tricky Kids (Finch Publishing), as defining resilience as “the happy knack of being able to bungee jump through the pitfalls of life.” Wouldn’t it be great to teach your children those skills! I also found an online development game for building resilience in children and young people. It’s called The Resilience Doughnut game.

Even if you’ve reached a ripe old age, you can still learn to be more resilient. Here’s a few ideas:

1. Remind yourself of your strengths

Often when things aren’t going well, we focus on the negatives and get a bit down on ourselves. That nagging negative little voice kicks in and starts to say things like “I’m so useless, Why can’t I do anything right? Nothing ever works out for me.” These thoughts are not useful so you need to stop them in their tracks. Tell the voice to shut up. Instead, reflect on your strengths, achievements and all of the things you have done well. Think about the skills you have and how you used these skills to make it through other tough times. Be positive.

2. Set yourself some goals

Goals are not just for the good times. When we’re faced with a challenge, setting short term goals can help move things along. The goal doesn’t have to be a Jim Collins BHAG (Big.Hairy.Audacious.Goal) just a small, attainable goal. For example, if you are completely overwhelmed with everything you need to get done, set yourself the goal to get the most important thing done. When that’s done, move onto the next.

3. Get organised and take action

If you think about how emergency teams work in a crisis situation, they are very organised. Everything is in it’s place so that when needed, it can be found. Everyone knows what’s expected of them and they get on with their job. Emergency workers don’t sit around thinking about how to deal with the crisis, they get on and deal with it. They take action, fast. Just taking action puts you back in control and keeps you moving forward. It also helps when you’re lacking motivation. Taking action can be motivating.

4. Rely on your family

Regardless of how strained relationships may be with your family, a crisis often draws people back together. Don’t hold grudges and try to manage through by yourself. Call on family for support and help. It’s better to swallow your pride and concede the argument than to allow stubbornness to stop you getting the support you need. Many people are pleasantly surprised by how their families rally together to help them out during tough times. Be humble and ask for help. Family connectedness is important.

5. Be open to new ideas and possibilities

It can be hard to see the positives and the possible solutions to problems when we are in the middle of a challenging situation. We can see all the reasons something won’t work but we need to be open to new ideas. Don’t knock down others’ suggestions, instead try to find ways to make them work. Look for opportunities in situations. Be resourceful.

6. Do some exercise

Now this one can be difficult, especially when you feel overwrought, overcommitted, stressed or depressed. Yet, every study I’ve ever seen espouses the benefit of exercise to help overcome these feelings. It’s not just about taking time out to clear the head, the endorphins produced actually give you a feeling of well-being – endogenous morphine = endorphin = the natural drug. Also, I read somewhere, but can’t remember where, that people who regularly exercise and push themselves physically, tend to have a higher survival rate in major catastrophes. It makes sense to me – if you’re fit, healthy and used to pushing yourself through physical pain, then these strengths will all kick in when you need them most. Of course, if you can’t face exercise, then sex might be the answer as it also produces the release of endorphins. 😉 Ever wondered why those stressed out celebrities are having so much sex?

7. Let go and move on

Stewing over problems doesn’t make them any better. Worrying about mistakes, wishing things could be different, cursing yourself for missing something – all that just does your head in. Instead, think about what you learned and what you’ll do differently next time but then it’s best just to let go and move on.

There you have it. My practical tips to get you bouncing like Tigger (if you don’t know how Tigger bounces, then watch the video!)

And in the words of those One Hit Wonders the Chumbwamba’s Tubthumping Song

Until next week, keep bouncing back up 🙂
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How can you tell if someone is resilient?
Do you agree that a person’s resilience determines who succeeds and who fails?
How do you bounce back from a setback?
Do you have an inspiring story about resilience to share?

Your Burning Career Questions Answered

This week, I hosted a webinar “Kick Start Your Successful Career” during which I interviewed Career Coach Faye Hollands, from Outshine Consulting. As part of the registration process, I asked participants “What’s your burning career question you’d like answered.”

During the webinar Faye shared not only the 5 big career mistakes people make but also her 5 keys to career success. There was so much information to get through in the hour, that we didn’t have time to answer the burning career questions so I’d thought I’d tackle some of them here instead.

Some of them are REALLY big questions and worthy of a post all of their own so in this post, I’ve just attempted to provide a brief response to kick off some discussion. Thanks to Faye for also contributing her views which I’ve incorporated into the answers.

Q: How do I build a new career whilst not losing current income?

A: Faye makes the point that “In most cases you will experience some drop in income if you are changing careers entirely – what’s more important is to assess the COST to you of not changing career and staying in a job that you don’t like.”

Planning is key here. You need to work out how much money you need to live on – a budget. No matter how much you want to change careers, you need to be realistic about it. If you’ve prepared a budget, then you will know whether or not you can afford to drop income and if so, for how long is it sustainable to do so. You also need to plan your career move. There may be a lot that you can do to prepare for your next career while still in your current job.

If it is viable for you to take a drop in income for a period, then you need to plan how you can redress the shortfall in the shortest time possible. How can you capitalise on your transferrable skills and make sure you have the right mindset and attitude to leapfrog your competitors?

Q: Is the concept of full-time employment now an outmoded idea?

A: Very interesting question. I’d say the answer is no with a strong BUT! According to the latest ABS Labour Force Survey, there are nearly 8 million people in Australia in full-time employment and 3.5 million in part-time employment. According to an ABS study carried out in 2001 (nearly 10 yrs ago!), there has been a growing shift toward part-time employment in the past decades.

The International Labour Organization (ILO) states that “The number and proportion of full-time employees with contracts of indeterminate duration has decreased constantly in developed countries since the mid-1980s. As labour markets have become more flexible, the forms of work have multiplied. Part-time workers and workers with fixed-term contracts (who are the first loops in the flexibility chain), turn into on-call and self-employed workers. International statistics on atypical forms of work do not keep up with this development.”

I am not a statistician nor an employment expert but there does seem to be a shift in employment patterns. I haven’t seen any reports on the number of self-employed, contractors, or people working more than one job but my own gut feel is that these numbers are on the increase. That said, I’m not convinced that the concept of full-time employment is outmoded BUT perhaps full-time employment in one job and certainly for one company will become a thing of the past as more people look at other non-traditional careers.

As I’ve said, these are my personal views and I’d love to hear your views or some facts if you know of any research.

Q: How can I tell what my career passion is?

A: Faye says “Start with working out what your values are – you need to know what truly motivates you at a fundamental level, and then you can start to work out what you’re passionate about. This is all covered in my Career Booster Programs.”

So many people say things like “Oh I’d love to change jobs / start my own business but I just don’t know what I’m passionate about.” Well, if you don’t know what you want, you’re going to have trouble getting it or knowing when you’ve got it! As Faye says, a good starting point is to think about your values. What really matters to you in life? When are you at your best? What’s going on then – who are you with, what’s the environment like, what are you doing? Once you’ve answered these questions, you can then start to explore possible careers or business ideas based around what’s important to you.

Q: How to start a new career after having completed an MBA and having a great profile that hasn’t been successful ?

A: It can be frustrating when you’ve put in a lot of study, time and effort to get good qualifications yet still can’t seem to achieve success. I’d like to make a couple of points here. First, qualifications are good but they aren’t everything. In the same way that a great website or good product isn’t a certainty that business success will follow. Second, sometimes we need to adjust our expectations or ideas of what success looks like! Perhaps our goals were unrealistic to begin with and even with the best qualifications and profile, the chance of achieving the goal was slim.

Faye said “In terms of having a “great profile that hasn’t been successful”, it’s difficult to comment on this without having more information, but one important point to consider is your attitude and the action you’ve taken to accelerate your career to date – these are two factors that see less experienced or educated people soar above others who consider themselves more qualified simply because they are willing to do what it takes to get ahead professionally.”

Q: How do I monetise my soft skills?

A: Faye makes the point that “You can only monetise your soft skills by looking at what the market is paying for the job you are currently doing or want to do. By acquiring new skills that help develop your career you will increase your value in the market place.” There are a lot of people making money on the internet by telling you that you can make money by just being yourself – and they can show you how! There are also a lot of people trying unsuccessfully to make money out of their soft skills (or other skills, know-how, experience).

To monetise (make money from) anything soft or hard, you need to be able to answer these questions first:

1. Who wants it?
2. Are they prepared to pay for it?
3. How much are they prepared to pay?

These questions apply whether you want to make money from your own business or whether you want to earn more money in your current or future role.

Does anyone have an example of soft skill monetisation? (is that even a word??)

Thank you to everyone who contributed questions. If anyone has further questions or would like a more personal response, then please contact me.

Faye has developed a suite of Career Booster programs from online self-study guides through to VIP one-on-one coaching. If you want to kick start your successful career, then I recommend you check them out here. (affiliate link).

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What’s your burning career question?
Have you found your ideal career?
What are your keys to career success?

Wanting it just isn’t enough

This week’s blog has been triggered by a whole bunch of conversations, events, other blog posts and a few of my own ponderings. As the title says, it’s about why wanting it just isn’t enough.

Here’s a few of the trigger events:

I want

• I want to lose weight
• I want to put all those great ideas I just learned into my business
• I want to start my own business
• I want to be with him
• I want to help her
• I want to write a book
• I want to have a baby
• I want to run a marathon one day
• I want to go on holidays
• I want to find a new job
• I want to have a buff body for summer

You’ve probably got many more you could add to the list – some you’ve heard, some of your own.

So, all this wanting got me wondering, why is it that some people want something, then go and make it happen, yet others want something (sometimes very much) yet just can’t seem to get past the wanting and into action mode?

Here are a few of the reasons I’ve uncovered:

1. It’s too scary

   Some of the things we want are big and we know that it will take a big change or a lot of effort to get them and when we start thinking about that, it’s too overwhelming so we stop thinking and just keep wanting.

2. Don’t have the skills

   We just don’t know how to go about getting it. We need skills, knowledge or help from others but maybe don’t even know where to start.

3. Too many other priorities

   Let’s face it, we want a lot! There are many things fighting for our time, our money, our focus and energy.

4. Fear of failure

   This is a big one. If we say we want something, without ever doing anything about it, then we never have to face the possibility that we just can’t have it or that we might not have what it takes to get it.

5. Fear of success

   As the saying goes “be careful what you wish for” or in this case want for. It is possible that we want something but getting it comes at a high cost and we’re not prepared to pay price.

So “I want” to offer some solutions to these and I’m going to! Here are my ideas for when you’re ready to kick start some action….when wanting it just isn’t enough.

1. Eat the elephant one bite at a time
   

   One Bite At A Time?

   I’m sure you’ve heard this saying before. Eating a whole elephant in a single meal would be too much for even the biggest appetite; but by breaking it down into meal size portions, bagging it up for future meals and eating the first meal, you’ll have that elephant eaten in no time. Apologies to the elephant lovers and vegetarians.

2. Ask

   Simple. If you don’t know how, ask someone who does and keep asking and learning until you do know how. If you don’t know who to ask for help, ask someone who to ask! Surrounding yourself with people who can help just makes sense. Yet, so many times I talk to people who are battling away on their own.

   The reason I created Transforme is because I know that people need support to be their best. I also know that finding the right support can be time-consuming and overwhelming. The more information we have access to, the more options there are and the more confusing it can be. Transforme provides people wanting to make important life changes with access to experts in Career, Wellness, Finances, Personal Effectiveness, Personal Development, Relationships and Business. A support team, up-to-date information, resources, tools, coaching and a community. Help and support in one place. Easy.

3. Work out what you really want

   If you want lots of things then you need to prioritise what you want the most. It doesn’t mean you don’t get the other things, it just means you’ll have to wait a bit longer. Try writing down all of your wants then trading one off against the other to test which you want more. Eventually you should have a prioritised list.

4. Get over yourself

   We don’t want to look stupid, we want others to like us, we want to make mistakes. If you want it bad enough then get over these excuses and take the risk – you just might succeed and get what you want and more!

5. Get real

   With yourself. If you want something and it’s important then you’ll find a way. If it just isn’t worth it then let it go and enjoy what you’ve got. Write a list of all that you have already and be thankful for all of that.

If you’ve now decided that wanting it just isn’t enough, then go get it.

I’d love to hear your views.
Is it really this easy? If you want it – go get it?
Can just wanting it be enough?
Is there something you want but even if you put these ideas into place, you still couldn’t have it?

I’ve given you bite size questions. I’m asking you to comment. I really want your view. If I don’t get any comments, I’ll ask again next week. I’ve enjoyed thinking about this topic and writing about it and now I can get onto getting my next want 🙂

Mad Men vs. Mod Men – Lessons from a different era

Mad Men or Mod Men

For the past few weeks, I’ve been watching the award winning TV series Mad Men. I’d heard people rave about the show so decided to find out for myself what the hype was all about. I have to say, I’m loving it so far. I’m only up to Season 2 and Season 4 is currently airing, so there won’t be any major spoilers here to worry about.

As I was watching last night, I commented on how things have changed, in the workplace and in society, from the sixties, when the show is set. For those of you who haven’t seen the show, here’s a Wiki link to a quick synopsis. (WARNING: This synopsis does include some spoilers as it is up to date)

Some things are very different

There are some blindingly obvious, major differences like:

• Everyone smokes, everywhere
• Drinking and drink driving is the norm
• Overt discrimination and sexual harrassment is standard behaviour
• No computers, mobiles or i-anythings

Some things maybe not so

The more interesting point for discussion is where things may not have changed all that much, other than superficially or for political correctness. So here’s a few to kick things off:

• men are the main / only breadwinners and women are highly dependent on them
• relaxing with a drink or two to take the edge off, every day, starting about 4pm, or earlier
• women (and men) staying in unhealthy relationships because they can’t see a way out
• discrimination and harrassment, although probably less overt

Mad Men Character Lessons

In Mad Men, the sixties and today, some people are able to push through the adversity and the absurdity of these situations, yet others are not. What lessons can we learn from the Mad Men characters?

1. Peggy
   

   Peggy

   Her story: Peggy breaks into the male domain (with support from her boss Don) and progresses from secretary to copywriter with her own office (albeit shared with the new photocopier).

   What we learn from her: Self confidence, it’s OK to be different, importance of a sponsor / mentor (Don)

2. Don
   

   Don Draper

   His story: Successful, handsome, married, womaniser. Don takes on an assumed identity in an attempt to escape his unhappy past

   What we learn from him: There’s a high price to be paid for trying to pretend we’re someone we’re not. Be yourself.

3. Joan
   

   Joan Holloway

   Her story: Joan is head of the secretarial staff, a “real woman with curves” who plays by the rules.

   What we learn from her: We limit our on growth & fulfillment if we always do what’s expected of us, instead of doing what we really want.

4. Betty
   

   Betty Draper

   Her story: Betty, Bryn Mawr College graduate, ex-model, Don’s stay-at-home Stepford wife and mother to his children. Unhappy with her life and relationship. Often seen having a glass of red wine quite early in the day.

   What we learn from her: Betty seeks help, shows us self-respect is important and we don’t have to “put up” with unhealthy relationships.

5. Pete
   

   Pete Campbell

   His story: Pete is young, ambitious and failing to live up to the unrealistic expectations of his father and then father-in-law.

   What we learn from him: We can twist ourselves in knots trying to please some people and never succeed. Better to live to our own values and standards.

   Why do some people succeed at making change and others don’t?
   Which character traits, if any, are key to happiness?
   Why do some people put up with a job they dislike, a bad relationship, being overweight etc instead of doing something about it?