Are You Up To The Challenge?

This week I launched a 4 Week Kick Start (4WKS) Challenge as part of a weekly radio segment I do with Niki Springett on Northside Broadcasting 99.3FM.

The idea of the challenge is to inspire the listeners of the show to stop wishing, thinking, planning, resolving and to start taking action to make change happen. If you’re sick of breaking commitments to yourself (and others around you) then you might like to join the challenge too.

Each week, for 4 weeks, I’ll share an activity that you can do to kick start change. This will require you to do some thinking and if you’re keen, spend some time each week completing a task.

Each task is designed to move you toward a better life by giving you self-insight and personal growth in areas that are currently holding you back. The activities are practical and not all “woo woo, fluffy, daily affirmation” things (not that there’s anything wrong with that, it’s just not my style).

The topic for Week 1 is “Stop Putting Up With and Start Getting What You Want”.

The reason for starting with this topic is because all of us put up with stuff. It’s usually a combination of small stuff and big stuff. Here’s some examples directly from my clients:

• Putting myself last
• Not having faith in myself
• Not finishing things due to fear of failure
• Putting off paying the credit card to enjoy life now
• Not keeping up with emails
• An untidy house
• A broken photocopier

The thing is, over time these items build up and bring us down and we either explode about something apparently trivial or we end up feeling frustrated, angry or disappointed with ourselves and others.

So, the first activity in the Challenge is to make a list of all of the things you are putting up with. These are called Tolerations.

Part 1 – Make a List

Take a piece of paper and just start making a list all of the things that you are putting up with. Start writing things down – no matter how trivial they seem. Add to your list as more things come up for you. Keep your worksheet close by your bedside as you try to fall asleep at night because that’s often when we stew about the things that are annoying us.

Part 2 – Take Action

Decide which items on your list you will no longer tolerate. For each one think about the changes you will make. That might include asking others to do things for you, letting go of duties or responsibilities, getting qualified or skilled or just deciding to do something that you want to do with no regard for what others may think.

A True Story

What I want to share with you in this post is a true story of how putting up with things stops us from getting what we want.

A client, I’ll call her Jenny, came to me for coaching because she was very unhappy in her job. She was in a senior role in a large organisation and had a very successful career. She earned very good money. Her husband also had a senior role and they worked long hours but managed to build in time for each other and their two school-aged children. They went on good holidays together, had a lovely house in an exclusive suburb and a good social network. All sounds pretty good right? Wrong.

As I coached Jenny over a few sessions, she told me that she’d never really loved her job but was a high-achiever who applied herself and didn’t like to fail. As a result, she’d been promoted and head-hunted to bigger and better roles. It all kind of happened around her and she went with it. Her problem was that she was now dependent on the money to fund her lifestyle, defined herself by her career, felt that her husband liked that she had such a good job and she felt trapped.

No one knew that Jenny felt this way because she kept it all to herself and kept up the facade of a being a successful career woman, wife and mother. As she spoke to me about how she was feeling, she was very emotional. She had been putting up with doing a job she just didn’t like, the expectations of others, her own needs and desires going unmet and inside and was feeling desperately unhappy. When I asked her why she put up with feeling this way and not doing something about it, she said she didn’t want to disappoint anyone. She also felt that she would be a failure if she admitted to feeling like this.

Jenny had made the decision to tolerate being unhappy to apparently please other people and to feed her own self-perception.

Jenny eventually spoke to her husband about how she was feeling, worked out what she wanted to do and a plan for making that happen in a way that she was comfortable with and that didn’t destroy all of the good things she had going. She is still a successful career woman, wife and mother but now she’s also happy.

The reason I wanted to share a real experience is to show you how much and for how long we put up with things and what an impact it has on us.

By taking stock of the things we are tolerating and then taking action to put changes in place to eliminate or reduce these tolerations, we can start to live a better life.

So, if Jenny’s story resonated with you or got you thinking about the things you’re putting up with, then why not join the 4 Week Kick Start Challenge? More details are available on my website.

If you enjoyed this post and think others would benefit from reading it, please use the buttons below to share it.

———————————–
Have you stopped putting up with something that you weren’t happy about?
Do you have a story to share about tolerations?
Are you up for the 4 Week Challenge?

Your Burning Career Questions Answered

This week, I hosted a webinar “Kick Start Your Successful Career” during which I interviewed Career Coach Faye Hollands, from Outshine Consulting. As part of the registration process, I asked participants “What’s your burning career question you’d like answered.”

During the webinar Faye shared not only the 5 big career mistakes people make but also her 5 keys to career success. There was so much information to get through in the hour, that we didn’t have time to answer the burning career questions so I’d thought I’d tackle some of them here instead.

Some of them are REALLY big questions and worthy of a post all of their own so in this post, I’ve just attempted to provide a brief response to kick off some discussion. Thanks to Faye for also contributing her views which I’ve incorporated into the answers.

Q: How do I build a new career whilst not losing current income?

A: Faye makes the point that “In most cases you will experience some drop in income if you are changing careers entirely – what’s more important is to assess the COST to you of not changing career and staying in a job that you don’t like.”

Planning is key here. You need to work out how much money you need to live on – a budget. No matter how much you want to change careers, you need to be realistic about it. If you’ve prepared a budget, then you will know whether or not you can afford to drop income and if so, for how long is it sustainable to do so. You also need to plan your career move. There may be a lot that you can do to prepare for your next career while still in your current job.

If it is viable for you to take a drop in income for a period, then you need to plan how you can redress the shortfall in the shortest time possible. How can you capitalise on your transferrable skills and make sure you have the right mindset and attitude to leapfrog your competitors?

Q: Is the concept of full-time employment now an outmoded idea?

A: Very interesting question. I’d say the answer is no with a strong BUT! According to the latest ABS Labour Force Survey, there are nearly 8 million people in Australia in full-time employment and 3.5 million in part-time employment. According to an ABS study carried out in 2001 (nearly 10 yrs ago!), there has been a growing shift toward part-time employment in the past decades.

The International Labour Organization (ILO) states that “The number and proportion of full-time employees with contracts of indeterminate duration has decreased constantly in developed countries since the mid-1980s. As labour markets have become more flexible, the forms of work have multiplied. Part-time workers and workers with fixed-term contracts (who are the first loops in the flexibility chain), turn into on-call and self-employed workers. International statistics on atypical forms of work do not keep up with this development.”

I am not a statistician nor an employment expert but there does seem to be a shift in employment patterns. I haven’t seen any reports on the number of self-employed, contractors, or people working more than one job but my own gut feel is that these numbers are on the increase. That said, I’m not convinced that the concept of full-time employment is outmoded BUT perhaps full-time employment in one job and certainly for one company will become a thing of the past as more people look at other non-traditional careers.

As I’ve said, these are my personal views and I’d love to hear your views or some facts if you know of any research.

Q: How can I tell what my career passion is?

A: Faye says “Start with working out what your values are – you need to know what truly motivates you at a fundamental level, and then you can start to work out what you’re passionate about. This is all covered in my Career Booster Programs.”

So many people say things like “Oh I’d love to change jobs / start my own business but I just don’t know what I’m passionate about.” Well, if you don’t know what you want, you’re going to have trouble getting it or knowing when you’ve got it! As Faye says, a good starting point is to think about your values. What really matters to you in life? When are you at your best? What’s going on then – who are you with, what’s the environment like, what are you doing? Once you’ve answered these questions, you can then start to explore possible careers or business ideas based around what’s important to you.

Q: How to start a new career after having completed an MBA and having a great profile that hasn’t been successful ?

A: It can be frustrating when you’ve put in a lot of study, time and effort to get good qualifications yet still can’t seem to achieve success. I’d like to make a couple of points here. First, qualifications are good but they aren’t everything. In the same way that a great website or good product isn’t a certainty that business success will follow. Second, sometimes we need to adjust our expectations or ideas of what success looks like! Perhaps our goals were unrealistic to begin with and even with the best qualifications and profile, the chance of achieving the goal was slim.

Faye said “In terms of having a “great profile that hasn’t been successful”, it’s difficult to comment on this without having more information, but one important point to consider is your attitude and the action you’ve taken to accelerate your career to date – these are two factors that see less experienced or educated people soar above others who consider themselves more qualified simply because they are willing to do what it takes to get ahead professionally.”

Q: How do I monetise my soft skills?

A: Faye makes the point that “You can only monetise your soft skills by looking at what the market is paying for the job you are currently doing or want to do. By acquiring new skills that help develop your career you will increase your value in the market place.” There are a lot of people making money on the internet by telling you that you can make money by just being yourself – and they can show you how! There are also a lot of people trying unsuccessfully to make money out of their soft skills (or other skills, know-how, experience).

To monetise (make money from) anything soft or hard, you need to be able to answer these questions first:

1. Who wants it?
2. Are they prepared to pay for it?
3. How much are they prepared to pay?

These questions apply whether you want to make money from your own business or whether you want to earn more money in your current or future role.

Does anyone have an example of soft skill monetisation? (is that even a word??)

Thank you to everyone who contributed questions. If anyone has further questions or would like a more personal response, then please contact me.

Faye has developed a suite of Career Booster programs from online self-study guides through to VIP one-on-one coaching. If you want to kick start your successful career, then I recommend you check them out here. (affiliate link).

————————————
What’s your burning career question?
Have you found your ideal career?
What are your keys to career success?

Wanting it just isn’t enough

This week’s blog has been triggered by a whole bunch of conversations, events, other blog posts and a few of my own ponderings. As the title says, it’s about why wanting it just isn’t enough.

Here’s a few of the trigger events:

I want

• I want to lose weight
• I want to put all those great ideas I just learned into my business
• I want to start my own business
• I want to be with him
• I want to help her
• I want to write a book
• I want to have a baby
• I want to run a marathon one day
• I want to go on holidays
• I want to find a new job
• I want to have a buff body for summer

You’ve probably got many more you could add to the list – some you’ve heard, some of your own.

So, all this wanting got me wondering, why is it that some people want something, then go and make it happen, yet others want something (sometimes very much) yet just can’t seem to get past the wanting and into action mode?

Here are a few of the reasons I’ve uncovered:

1. It’s too scary

   Some of the things we want are big and we know that it will take a big change or a lot of effort to get them and when we start thinking about that, it’s too overwhelming so we stop thinking and just keep wanting.

2. Don’t have the skills

   We just don’t know how to go about getting it. We need skills, knowledge or help from others but maybe don’t even know where to start.

3. Too many other priorities

   Let’s face it, we want a lot! There are many things fighting for our time, our money, our focus and energy.

4. Fear of failure

   This is a big one. If we say we want something, without ever doing anything about it, then we never have to face the possibility that we just can’t have it or that we might not have what it takes to get it.

5. Fear of success

   As the saying goes “be careful what you wish for” or in this case want for. It is possible that we want something but getting it comes at a high cost and we’re not prepared to pay price.

So “I want” to offer some solutions to these and I’m going to! Here are my ideas for when you’re ready to kick start some action….when wanting it just isn’t enough.

1. Eat the elephant one bite at a time
   

   One Bite At A Time?

   I’m sure you’ve heard this saying before. Eating a whole elephant in a single meal would be too much for even the biggest appetite; but by breaking it down into meal size portions, bagging it up for future meals and eating the first meal, you’ll have that elephant eaten in no time. Apologies to the elephant lovers and vegetarians.

2. Ask

   Simple. If you don’t know how, ask someone who does and keep asking and learning until you do know how. If you don’t know who to ask for help, ask someone who to ask! Surrounding yourself with people who can help just makes sense. Yet, so many times I talk to people who are battling away on their own.

   The reason I created Transforme is because I know that people need support to be their best. I also know that finding the right support can be time-consuming and overwhelming. The more information we have access to, the more options there are and the more confusing it can be. Transforme provides people wanting to make important life changes with access to experts in Career, Wellness, Finances, Personal Effectiveness, Personal Development, Relationships and Business. A support team, up-to-date information, resources, tools, coaching and a community. Help and support in one place. Easy.

3. Work out what you really want

   If you want lots of things then you need to prioritise what you want the most. It doesn’t mean you don’t get the other things, it just means you’ll have to wait a bit longer. Try writing down all of your wants then trading one off against the other to test which you want more. Eventually you should have a prioritised list.

4. Get over yourself

   We don’t want to look stupid, we want others to like us, we want to make mistakes. If you want it bad enough then get over these excuses and take the risk – you just might succeed and get what you want and more!

5. Get real

   With yourself. If you want something and it’s important then you’ll find a way. If it just isn’t worth it then let it go and enjoy what you’ve got. Write a list of all that you have already and be thankful for all of that.

If you’ve now decided that wanting it just isn’t enough, then go get it.

I’d love to hear your views.
Is it really this easy? If you want it – go get it?
Can just wanting it be enough?
Is there something you want but even if you put these ideas into place, you still couldn’t have it?

I’ve given you bite size questions. I’m asking you to comment. I really want your view. If I don’t get any comments, I’ll ask again next week. I’ve enjoyed thinking about this topic and writing about it and now I can get onto getting my next want 🙂

Mad Men vs. Mod Men – Lessons from a different era

Mad Men or Mod Men

For the past few weeks, I’ve been watching the award winning TV series Mad Men. I’d heard people rave about the show so decided to find out for myself what the hype was all about. I have to say, I’m loving it so far. I’m only up to Season 2 and Season 4 is currently airing, so there won’t be any major spoilers here to worry about.

As I was watching last night, I commented on how things have changed, in the workplace and in society, from the sixties, when the show is set. For those of you who haven’t seen the show, here’s a Wiki link to a quick synopsis. (WARNING: This synopsis does include some spoilers as it is up to date)

Some things are very different

There are some blindingly obvious, major differences like:

• Everyone smokes, everywhere
• Drinking and drink driving is the norm
• Overt discrimination and sexual harrassment is standard behaviour
• No computers, mobiles or i-anythings

Some things maybe not so

The more interesting point for discussion is where things may not have changed all that much, other than superficially or for political correctness. So here’s a few to kick things off:

• men are the main / only breadwinners and women are highly dependent on them
• relaxing with a drink or two to take the edge off, every day, starting about 4pm, or earlier
• women (and men) staying in unhealthy relationships because they can’t see a way out
• discrimination and harrassment, although probably less overt

Mad Men Character Lessons

In Mad Men, the sixties and today, some people are able to push through the adversity and the absurdity of these situations, yet others are not. What lessons can we learn from the Mad Men characters?

1. Peggy
   

   Peggy

   Her story: Peggy breaks into the male domain (with support from her boss Don) and progresses from secretary to copywriter with her own office (albeit shared with the new photocopier).

   What we learn from her: Self confidence, it’s OK to be different, importance of a sponsor / mentor (Don)

2. Don
   

   Don Draper

   His story: Successful, handsome, married, womaniser. Don takes on an assumed identity in an attempt to escape his unhappy past

   What we learn from him: There’s a high price to be paid for trying to pretend we’re someone we’re not. Be yourself.

3. Joan
   

   Joan Holloway

   Her story: Joan is head of the secretarial staff, a “real woman with curves” who plays by the rules.

   What we learn from her: We limit our on growth & fulfillment if we always do what’s expected of us, instead of doing what we really want.

4. Betty
   

   Betty Draper

   Her story: Betty, Bryn Mawr College graduate, ex-model, Don’s stay-at-home Stepford wife and mother to his children. Unhappy with her life and relationship. Often seen having a glass of red wine quite early in the day.

   What we learn from her: Betty seeks help, shows us self-respect is important and we don’t have to “put up” with unhealthy relationships.

5. Pete
   

   Pete Campbell

   His story: Pete is young, ambitious and failing to live up to the unrealistic expectations of his father and then father-in-law.

   What we learn from him: We can twist ourselves in knots trying to please some people and never succeed. Better to live to our own values and standards.

   Why do some people succeed at making change and others don’t?
   Which character traits, if any, are key to happiness?
   Why do some people put up with a job they dislike, a bad relationship, being overweight etc instead of doing something about it?

5 Reasons Coaching is an “ick” word

I was reading some comments on a forum I participate in and someone commented that “Coaching is such an *ick* word” and that comment got me wondering.

When people ask me, “So Suellen, what do you do?” I NEVER say “I’m a Coach”, instead I say things like “I inspire people to make life changes” or “I offer wellness and lifestyle services for people wanting to kick start their best life” or something along those lines depending on who’s asking.

Why don’t I just say “I’m a Coach”? Well here’s just a few reasons:

1. It’s too vague


I'm a Coach

There are many different types of coaches. I could be a Sports Coach, Health Coach, Business Coach, Life Coach or even a bus or a handbag 😉

The definitions get blurry but here’s a rough guide:

• Business Coach – works with SMEs (usually) on improving business performance
• Executive Coach – works with managers on improving personal / team performance
• Career Coach – help people with their career or career problems
• Sports Coach – train sportspeople to become better at their game
• Health Coach – helps individuals manage health (especially chronic illness)
• Life Coach – also called Personal Coach, works with people on their personal development

Tip: Some coaches do a mix so just describe what change you’d like to make and don’t worry to much about the label.

2. It’s not clear what a Coach does

Unless you’ve worked with a Coach, then you probably don’t really know what they do. It’s open to interpretation and most people won’t ask for clarification.

In a nutshell, a Coach supports you through a change. It might be taking your business to the next level; achieving a personal best sporting performance; achieving personal or team objectives; losing weight; finding your way out of a rut.

Tip: A great coach, inspires you to achieve more than you believe possible.

3. It’s considered woowoo!

Some people lump coaches, counsellors, psychologists and witch doctors in the same category. They just think it’s all woowoo and don’t want to go there.

For some people, they think they need to work everything out for themselves and think it’s weak to get support. Other people prefer to keep things close and don’t like the idea of opening up to a stranger.

Tip: Enlightened people know that support is good and progress is made when we tackle the hard stuff.

4. Every man and his dog seems to be a Coach

Coaching is a growing profession even though it’s been around for at least 20 years. It may seem like there are lots of coaches, because there are, just like there are lots of consultants, builders, teachers, doctors, entrepreneurs…

If you were to engage the services of one of these other professions, you’d probably check them out first. Do the same with a coach. Check out their qualifications, experience, testimonials and expertise.

Tip: Make sure you feel comfortable from the first conversation. Trust your gut.

5. It’s soft and fluffy

Well, it can be but it doesn’t have to be. Coaches have different styles and some people like soft and fluffy. If you’re not one of them, find a coach who is hard and coarse 😉

If you can’t stand phrases like “I will guide you through your mystical transformation” or “empowering you to live a life of meaning and purpose” or “discover your inner harmony” (these are just a few I found doing a quick Google search) then don’t choose that person as your coach!

Tip: Engage a coach who talks your language because chances are you’ll be much more likely to listen.

What’s your experience of coaching?
Ever used a Coach? If so, what for? How was it?
What change would you consider engaging a coach to help you with?

Is that attire appropriate for work?

During my years in Human Resources and more recently as an Executive Coach, I’ve been asked that question many times – not about my own work attire thankfully!!

It can be a really tricky situation for managers to deal with in a way that is sensitive and appropriate.

Along with a number of other coaches, we’ve created an ebook called “Coach Talk for Managers: Easy Scripts for Difficult Moments”. The issue of inappropriate work attire is one the 30 topics we provide practical, simple to use scripts for managers.

Here’s an extract:

Dealing with workplace attire can be a sensitive issue, especially in workplaces where casual dress is the norm. It is important to make sure that everyone is dealt with equally and that your own personal style preferences are not biasing your views.

Case study: Jenny has observed that one of her staff members (Sienna) is dressing inappropriately for work. Although the organisation has a casual dress policy, Sienna’s dress is getting her attention for all of the wrong reasons.

Coach: Sienna, thanks for coming to see me. I want to talk to you about a slightly personal issue; your attire. Is it OK with you if we chat about that?

Coach: Style is a matter of personal taste and I’m not commenting on your style but rather the appropriateness of your attire in the workplace. (Acknowledge that it is a workplace issue.)

Coach: Are you aware of our dress policy? Thinking about the sort of thing you wear to work, is there anything that might be considered out of line with our policy? (Good idea to have a hard copy or be able to reference it. Try to have staff identify for themselves what might be inappropriate.)

Coach: Sienna the way we dress affects how other see us and the impressions they form of us. In fact studies show that 55% of impressions are based on visuals i.e.: how we look and act. For example, what impression do you think colleagues may form of someone who wears X? (State an item / outfit that she has worn that is inappropriate. If a staff member can see that others are forming an opinion that may not be best for career or promotion then they may be more open to change.)

Coach: Sienna, what impression would you like others to form of you? (Allow time to answer.) What sort of things might you wear to work that would help them to form that impression? (Test to see if she understands the policy and how she should dress.)

Coach: Sienna, do you agree that it’s important …………

If you’d like to read the rest of this script along with the other 29, then please click on image below to purchase this unique ebook.

Now, what am I going to wear tomorrow?